ReminiscencePortal

Such Great Heights.

2010-03-16T19:03:00.006+08:00

I am thinking it's a sign

That the freckles in our eyes
Are mirror images and
When we kiss they're perfectly aligned

And I have to speculate
That God himself did make us into
Corresponding shapes like puzzles pieces
From the clay

True, it may seem like a stretch
But it's thoughts like this
That catch my troubled head
When you're away, when I am missing you to death

When you were out there on the road
For several weeks of shows
And when you scan the radio
I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great heights
"Come down now," they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
"Come down now," but we'll stay

I've tried my best to leave
This all on your machine
But the persistent beat
Sounded thin upon listening

That frankly will not fly
You will hear the shrillest highs
And lowest lows with the windows down
When this is guiding you home

They will see us waving from such great heights
"Come down now," they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
"Come down now," but we'll say...

Awesome song from Garden State.

And here I end off with a quote.

"Fuck, this hurts so much."

I know it hurts. That's life. If nothing else, It's life. It’s real, and sometimes it fuckin’ hurts, but it's sort of all we have."

The Summer Stint.

2009-12-30T12:10:00.006+08:00

Zhen's usual visit upon touchdown :))

100% attendance for the first impromptu ECG gathering the day I touched down :)

Team:MED errands.

Tshirt designing.

Pan-fried meesua at the prawn farm in Bishan.

House of Seafood.

Church, awesomest Raffles Creamery and Thai food and a Vivo walkabout :))

A clark quay belated birthday celebration :)

Flight frantic.

Bodyworlds and being silly at the Singapore Science Centre.

Overrated Il Lido.

District 10 and coloured flames.

Packed food for the stay-at-home boy and feeling like the lightbulb at The Buffet.

Tennis, Ding Tai Feng, TWG [which totally ruined my tennis] and Da-gu's 70th birthday at Hua Ting [which ruined it further].

Avatar.

Cafe Iguana with the OCF peeps.

Tagging christmas gifts from Aussieland.

Church, 'good' western food [which I should have trusted my gut and not eat], the Wii and Dempsey.

Oriole Cafe :)

A Zhen-y gaigai.

Wagyu karubi at Vivocity :) [karubi: a little bite of heaven melting in your mouth, trust me!]

Mandarin Oriental macarons [officially better than the Canele ones, which IMO are the best commercial ones].

Last minute christmas cards and handmade ECG parcels :)

Hanoi and it's funny signboards.

The whole family missing local delights and rushing to chompchomp once we touched down.

Bathing Bella.

A homely BBQ and girltalk :)

More errands.

The Mega McSpicy challenge.

Sherlock Holmes.

Tennis.

Mum's imitation frog-leg porridge.

Si Chuan Dou Hua at the 60th floor of the UOB Building 1 [which houses a Salvador Dali sculpture!], SGX and Lau Pa Sat Char Kway Teow.

My teacherly spectacles.

Tshirt collection.

Stayover turned PS Cafe Palais.

Phenomenal Woman

2009-12-10T01:53:00.003+08:00

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size

But when I start to tell them,

They think I’m telling lies.

I say,

It’s in the reach of my arms,

The span of my hips,

The stride of my step,

The curl of my lips.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.

I say,

It’s the fire in my eyes,

And the flash of my teeth,

The swing in my waist,

And the joy in my feet.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can’t touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them,

They say they still can’t see.

I say,

It’s in the arch of my back,

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Now you understand

Just why my head’s not bowed.

I don’t shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.

When you see me passing,

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It’s in the click of my heels,

The bend of my hair,

the palm of my hand,

The need for my care.

’Cause I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

- Maya Angelou

Dreams.

2009-10-16T13:33:00.002+08:00

All people dream, but not equally.

Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their mind,

Wake in the morning to find that it was vanity.

But the dreamers of the day are dangerous people,

For they dream their dreams with open eyes,

And make them come true.

-D.H. Lawrence

[Acknowledgements: Nicole's FB]

Pheromones.

2009-09-28T23:21:00.000+08:00

"When we smell another's body, it is that body that we are breathing in through our mouth and nose, that we possess instantly, as it were in its most secret substance, its own nature. Once inhaled, the smell is the fusion of the other's body and my own." -Jean-Paul Sartre

Walking Her Home by Mark Schultz.

2009-08-12T15:35:00.000+08:00

Looking back
He sees it all
It was her first date the night he came to call
Her dad said son
Have her home on time
And promise me you’ll never leave her side
He took her to a show in town
And he was ten feet off the ground

He was walking her home
And holding her hand
Oh the way she smiled it stole the breath right out of him
Down that old road
With the stars up above
He remembers where he was the night he fell in love
He was walking her home

Ten more years and a waiting room
At half past one
And the doctor said come in and meet your son
His knees went weak
When he saw his wife
She was smiling as she said he’s got your eyes
And as she slept he held her tight
His mind went back to that first night

He walked her through the best days of her life
Sixty years together and he never left her side
A nursing home
At eighty-five
And the doctor said it could be her last night
And the nurse said Oh
Should we tell him now
Or should he wait until the morning to find out
But when they checked her room that night
He was laying by her side

Oh he was walking her home
And holding her hand
Oh the way she smiled when he said this is not the end
And just for a while they were eighteen
And she was still more beautiful to him than anything
He was walking her home
He was walking her home

Looking back
He sees it all
It was her first date the night he came to call

If the beatitudes were written today.

2009-08-12T13:43:00.003+08:00

If the beatitudes were written today, they might look something like this:

Blessed are the rich,
for they need not worry about money.
Blessed are the famous,
for the world is their oyster.
Blessed are the popular,
for they will never know what it is like to be truly alone.
Blessed are those with good looks,
for the world is undeniably superficial.
Blessed are the talented,
for their paths are laid out for them.
Blessed are the skinny,
for they can eat whatever they like.
Blessed are those who know what they're doing with their lives,
for the most part of us don't.

It's sad, but it's true isn't it? All of us pursue those attributes, the world has taught us to look up to those attributes. And admittedly, those attributes aren't bad - they are positive characteristics; they are definitely not a crime to possess. However, the Bible does ask us to search deeper. Here's what it says:

Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Now who can feel blessed despite being poor in spirit? Who can feel blessed in spite of their mourning? It's a tough call, but it is possible with God's love.

Imogen Heap's Hide and Seek.

2009-04-27T00:27:00.001+08:00

Digital songs are actually not too bad at all :)

Jai Ho! (be victorious)

2009-04-26T23:40:00.001+08:00

Come, come my Life, under the canopy
Come under the blue brocade sky!
Iota by iota, I have lost my life
I’ve passed this night dancing on coals
I’ve blown away sleep from my eyes
Burnt my fingers counting stars

Dance, dance!
Now come with me, you dance for today
For our day of moves
Whatever problems may be
Cheers!
Dance, dance!

Come, come my Life, under the canopy
Come under the blue brocade sky!
Taste it, taste it, this night is like honey
Taste it, and keep it
It’s a heart; the heart is the final limit
Your dark black kohl
It’s some black magic, isn’t it?

Come, come my Life, under the canopy
Come under the blue brocade sky!
For how long, how very long
It’s been on your lips
Say it, now say it
The eye is downcast
Such bright eyes
Are they two lit-up diamonds?

Come, come my Life, under the canopy
Come under the blue brocade sky!

If God was on facebook.

2009-04-18T11:30:00.002+08:00

Quite ancient, I know. But it still gave me the chuckles again.

From the gut.

2009-04-02T19:03:00.002+08:00

"We go straight from the gut. Right, sir? That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. Now, I know some of you are going to say, 'I did look it up, and that's not true.' That's 'cause you looked it up in a book. Next time, look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works."

- Stephen Colbert, in his address to the White House Correspondents' Dinner in 2006

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë.

2009-03-30T14:02:00.001+08:00

"The human heart has hidden treasures
In secret kept, in silence sealed.
The thoughts, the hopes, the desires, the pleasures
Whose charms were broken if revealed."

The Stress Test.

2009-03-18T08:36:00.004+08:00

I was taking a leisurely stroll along the banks of the Yarra River with my parents when one of the arrays of street show booths caught my eye. They were selling some psychic self improvement books on how to manage stress through positive thinking, or something along those lines. I rolled my eyes; I didn’t even glance at the title. What caught my eye was the free stress test that they were offering, and the queer machine that was precariously placed on the table. ‘How does THAT work? Does that REALLY work?’ I thought to myself. I had to find out.

I approached the booth and the kind lady greeted me with a smile, offering me to sit. I’m not sure if I was her usual customer, but I opened the conversation questioning her how the machine worked, not wanting to let her start her psychic claims on me, not just yet. She explained to me that I was to hold the two metal probes gently in my hands, and the battery-operated machine would send a small current through me. If there were any bad thoughts as evidence of stress, the current would get cut off and the meter would show. ‘Wouldn’t the current get cut off by good thoughts too?’ I asked. Apparently not. Good thoughts were fine and did not affect the natural circulation of things.

I decided to take matters into my own hands and conduct an experiment of my own while I was in the hot seat.

She adjusted the meter to a set point to nullify the base current that was passing through me.

‘First up, think of a stressful situation.’

The needle, which had settled quite contentedly, started moving to the right.

‘Okay see, that’s stress. What were you thinking of?’

I told her that I had thought of certain circumstances I had been in, and certain friends around me. I knew these caused me stress. Interpersonal relations mean much to me. The more I held a certain friend dear, the greater the ability and capacity for that someone to invoke turmoil in me. She adjusted the needle again.

‘Now, let’s test various aspects of your life. Think of your health.’

The needle stayed put. I was well and healthy and wasn’t stressing about my health, of course.

‘Think about your family.’

Again, the needle did not waver.

‘Think about relationships.’

This time, the needle went berserk. It swung straight to the far right, dodging the light of day.

‘Now!’ she boomed, almost triumphant, as if she’d caught me on the sly. ‘What was it you were thinking there? That was definitely stress.’

I laughed it off and complained I wished I knew, probably seeming avoidant to her. The truth was I really wished I knew. I had made up my mind right from the start that I would not think of bad thoughts or the specific events that had caused them, after that first trial, so I had no idea which reprived stashed memory was causing the needle’s reaction.

‘Subconscious thought does it too, you know,’ she added, as if having read my mind. ‘Let’s move on nonetheless. You’re a student, yeah? Now think of your studies.’

The needle was tame again this time.

‘Okay, that’s about it. Looks like relationships are your stress.’

‘Wait a minute,’ I interrupted. ‘Could we try that relationship one again then? I’m just really curious. This thing seems to work.’ On retrospect, I hope I didn’t sound too doubtful or condescending.

‘Sure, why not.’ She set the needle again. ‘Okay, think about relationships.’

This time, I didn’t think of anything. As in I literally made my mind blank out, if that was humanly possible. I tried to think of what to cook for my next meal. And yet, the needle swung full-right.

‘Ahhh, that’s interesting,’ I commented. I thanked her for her time and left the booth.

I would usually not subject myself to such proclaimed psychic powers, but on that fateful day, I was somehow keen to trial one of my many thought experiments. To tell the truth, I had already known what the needle would tell me. I’ve never been a guru on relationships and I’ve always felt they would be my demise. It is in this arena where I feel like I’m a small girl again, unable to fathom the nuances of the playing field out there. A relationship is the one thing that is both crave-worthy and fearsome all at the same time. We all want the highs, not the complications. We all long for love, care and companionship. We want to share our inner thoughts, yet dread we may not be accepted. We want to let someone in, eventually, but are afraid others might hurt us. We want to be as one with someone else, but are afraid we might lose ourselves. It seems a daunting task to embrace this all, especially when we’ve been rejected, hurt and disillusioned before. I’ve learnt much of the resilience of the human spirit, but today I’ve learnt one more thing. This is vulnerable territory. This is toying with uncertainty. This is placing incredible trust on a fellow imperfect human being. No one should be cast a reprimanding look for being stressed, or subconsciously stressed, about relationships, simply because of what we dare subject ourselves to.

Stressful? Hell, yeah.

Fiji.

2009-03-15T00:42:00.004+08:00

There were so many things I wanted to say about my experience in Fiji, but now it seems quite out of date. More than a month has passed, and so many things have happened in between.

All in all, the experience was great, and indeed was an eye-opener. The Fijians are lovely, rowdy, warm, hospitable and hardy people. They get high on kava (which is their substitute for alcohol, and which produces a certain skin reaction that actually is a recognised medical condition). They also can't watch their carbohydrate intake, and Maggi (mee) has had huge advertising success in both the inner city and the villages.

Most of us felt we didn't do enough. Our medical supplies had been confiscated by the customs which led to us not being able to do much in the first few days of our trip. In addition, there was a lot of waiting around for the villagers to show up to our education talks etc. They always attribute it to 'Fijian time' (which, by the villagers' standards, operates 2-3 hours slower than the designated time). In Nabukevesi (one of the 2 villages we targeted), we felt we were unable to target the majority because they were unaware about our education talks/unconcerned about the issues we were going to discuss. So yes, we can't help people who don't want to help themselves, ey?

We soon realised that indeed, we WERE in Fiji. We were upset because we couldn't help them to what we thought was the best of our abilities. But on retrospect, maybe.. we still did. These people moved slow; things effected slowly. We had to take baby steps and shouldn't frustrate over their not living up to our standards. It would take a long time to change their lifestyle, their habits, their attitude.

I vividly remember an incident which proved to me how much our little deeds can mean to others, and how we should not belittle them. On our very last day at the village, we were bidding farewell to the people we've come to know over the 2 weeks. I gave a few villagers some heartfelt bear hugs, and was just about to board the bus. Just then, I felt a squeeze on my arm and turned to see this little girl who had wanted to catch my attention. I had missed her. She smiled, bid farewell in a shy manner, and gave me a wave. I smiled back, and gave her a hug. This was the girl whom I had played with in one of the villager's house. I had entertained her and her brother; I had fascinated them with my iPhone. Of course, how could I forget.

I was glad that we did contribute to something bigger than ourselves, and now we've a report describing what we've done, and photos to boot! Our team even managed to sneak in a one day retreat at The Beachouse, and so all was dandy before starting a new term at school :)

Ps. Pictures are up on Facebook. I wanted to load some significant ones here, but am restricted by my internet account, which is ANOTHER story. So, minimal uploading for the next 2 yrs for me.

Ride with you.

2009-03-07T11:29:00.001+08:00

Give me ice-cream and a serenade,
Blow me kisses at a big parade,
Thrill me, spoil me, whatever you will;
And maybe I’d ride with you.

Save me sunshine for the night,
Raise the winds to fly a kite,
A waterfall when the streams run dry;
And maybe I’d ride with you.

Pick me blind amongst the crowd,
Keep me close without a doubt,
Carry me not in your arms;
And maybe I’d ride with you.

Show me everything you’ve got,
Bring me to that mountain top.
Create in me an avalanche;
No, wait.

Give me nothing in the world,
And I’d still ride with you.

- The first of a series of poems I'd written up over the holidays

If only one post could sum up the summer I had.

2009-01-20T07:53:00.009+08:00

Crazy midnight furniture moving session (can't express enough thanks to the people who came all the way to help out, namely Dazzle and Yeo!!).
More crazy furniture moving up till it was time to leave for the airport (that includes throwing clothes all over the futon in the new house).
Falling sick because of all that craziness.
Mum's big surprise a.k.a the new family addition - Bella!!
Zhen's 'I'M COMING TO YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW'.
Steff's midnight visit.
Church, Vivo, Starbucks and Bang!
Swimming.
The double celebration at Marina Square.
Mambo.
An impromptu trip to Malacca with the family.
Bumping into Zhen and family IN MALACCA.
Roast pork and duck delivered straight to the hotel by the very best friend you can find :)
JC class night out, with Reginald (the only one working) treating and the impromptu stayover at Sheryl's.
3hr long Citadels.
Lingerie shopping with Kel, for his girlfriends (yes, with an 'S').
Shopping with the brother for the miniature-sized golf bag + bejeweled hairclip.

Christmas party with a not so Christmas-y end.
Family gathering at the temple to pay respects to my grandfather, followed by Big Eater and lots of crab.
The aunties sharing about their childhood experiences as siblings.
A whole day of adventure, starting off with fine dining for lunch.
The glass cablecar, Sentosa, chairlift and Fantasy of the Sea :)
Drinks at The Box, followed by Lor 9 Beef Hor Fun and Lor 30 Claypot Frog Leg Porridge (in the wrong order for sure).

Family BBQ (yes, just the 4 of us with some splendid satay) in our own backyard.
Zhen's 'Hey I've got ANOTHER Christmas present for you'.
My spending a whole day of quality time at Zhen's place, distracting her from studying, having fun making ART..
Bedtime stories, Bedok 85, overnight majong, AND meeting the girlies.
Celebrating birthdays and our years of friendship with strawberry shortcake and shopping! :)

Birthday boots.
Dad's random 'Shall we go out for a movie and supper now?'

Ip Man.

Henderson Wave, Horticultural Park, treetop walk.. walkwalk.
Immunizations and supplies.
Worried Mummy's buying of every kind of adaptor in preparation for my Fiji trip.
Thoughtful Mummy's buying of local sweets for me to give out to the kids in Fiji.
Meeting up with the ECG and Steff at Lau Pa Sat during her lunch break just so we wouldn't leave Steff out!
Steff 'extending' her lunch break because she didn't want to leave us :)

Sheryl's be-earliered birthday present.

Rebec and Serene at Crystal Jade La Mian Xiao Long Bao, where Serene had another of her fainting incidents.
Knee checkup, and busting a whole lot of money on it.
The DAY when everything went wrong, seriously wrong.

Made with Love.

Brother's birthday celebration at The World Cafe.
Sitting engrossedly infront of the TV with Dad and the brother, munching on our Chompchomp supper and watching Man United thrash Chelsea.
The final Saturday with the Sec 2 gang and Jiaying! :))
Mum's homemade Yusheng, two weeks too early for CNY, specially created for me :)
Bella's droopy ears and longing eyes, making every, I mean EVERY, visitor swoon (I swear she's the main attraction of the house).
Receiving news about the seriousness of the floods in Fiji, including the report of her government declaring a state of emergency.
Receiving heaps of emails from my fellow Fiji Village Project participants that they have been stranded in Nadi, and that the beach backpacker's inn we booked had been closed down and evacuated.
Receiving even more news about deaths and tourists being stranded at the airport.
Flying to Melb anyway, egged on by my Dad who comfortably replied 'Just go in and look see look see lor.' when I asked him what I should do.
Oh wait, I forgot. Attending Dad's friend's housewarming 4 hours before my departure.
Arriving at Melb realising that Air Pacific (the Fijian airline) had wisened up and allowed free cancellation of flights.
Enjoying the extra 3 days I had in Melb after postponing my flight to the friday.
This included watching Benjamin Buttons, tennis-ing, swimming, meeting up with OCFers, and going to the beach! :)
Arriving in Fiji on Saturday and taking in the devastation as the bus drove by the coastal region.
Starting on FVP O9.

And that leaves us for another post.

Exams are over :)

2008-11-30T19:51:00.007+08:00

I can finally breathe.

Been having a ball of a time the past few days. Highlights of the week definitely had to be the CS experience, where I got noob-ed a few times from the back with a knife :( Somebody should make that illegal, especially on amateurs!! It's a horrendous way to die. I got frustrated I almost wanted to shout 'cheap thrill' across the gaming room!! Thankfully I got better toward the end and rose in ranks!! :)

Went shopping with Jas too :) That was very nice. Reminded me of the time when we 1st went shopping together (also only the 2 of us!) in Yr 1 and it was raining and the floor was slippery and the girl held me so that I wouldn't slip ;p This time it rained again too but my slippers were good :)

Kel and I then invited Jas over for dinner and whipped up a feast :) And then, she and Trs did the same too! Haha. Li3 shang4 wang3 lai2. Nows my turn to thank you both for all the love :)) I had a great time those 2 nights! Trs' honey soy wings are still finger-lickin' goooooood.

Just met up with Vek and Jeff as a mini-SAM gathering as well. Vek has been MIA for so long I can barely recognise his tumtum ;p We basically had to go through the whole 'what-have-you-been-doing-what-are-you-doing-now-what-are-your-plans-for-the-future' deal. Basically the outing felt waaayy too short. We should definitely meet up again in S'pore with the rest of the SAMmies!!

All that said and done, right now I just can't wait to move into the new place, get all my furniture nicely laid out, and be HOME.

Casting Crowns.

2008-11-11T18:34:00.001+08:00

This video touched me, once again.

The cat's out of the bag.

2008-11-10T22:15:00.004+08:00

Mel's birthday was one of the best, but one of the most troublesome birthdays many of us had EVER a part to play in ;p Let's list down the multitude of things that POTENTIALLY COULD and DID go wrong ;pp

The Majong Restaurant we were eyeing to celebrate her birthday at (and the birthday girl herself would know why this was so appropriate) was FULLY BOOKED OUT. Some big shot had swept the entire seatings for a big bash! Even Kel's pleads and attempts at bribing the manager did not work out.
River Kwai (a fantastic Thai restaurant with one hat to boot) had their 'First Monday of the month Buffet' and was unavailable too.
The present we intended to get for her was sold out at MSY, an electronic store which had the best deals. This was after waiting the whole wkend to get it. (And here Mel I must apologize for deserting you that day we went impromptu grocery shopping.. I HAD to go to Officeworks on a very SECRET scouting mission!!)
The cake.. hey, what on earth can happen to a cake that had arrived safely at the restaurant and was tucked neatly in the restaurant's fridge? But something DID happen TO THE CAKE ;pp

And so here I pronouce the 3rd of Nov as the most paradoxically memorable day I've had all year :) Well, it started off VERY memorable indeed, anyway :)) To cast an even spiel on the events of the day, I must say many things did turn out very well.

The place we finally booked for dinner was AWESOME :) The bill was awesome too, but that's besides the point. It would be somewhere I'd want to bring my family to have a good meal. My tumtum was immensely appreciative.
Turn-up was great! I fully enjoyed the company, all round.
Hooray for the lack of cameras!! It was all pre-planned and telepathized amongst us cunning creatures so that the birthday girl could put her present to good use right away!! ;p
Most importantly, the birthday girl was all blushy but I'm sure she enjoyed herself tremendously and was very touched!! I must admit I rarely seen anyone this happy! :))
And just because the number of ups must exceed the number of downs.. everyone was happy that the birthday girl was happy! Well, I'm generalizing. But I was definitely happy!

The birthday girl, all smiles :)
Happy birthday again, Smelly Melly Jelly Belly (in the right order)!

The Sun Also Rises.

2008-10-20T12:56:00.000+08:00

Have no fear of forgetting
Rather, dread remembering
Remembering brings familiarity
Familiarity makes you flee

Sick.

2008-10-15T13:34:00.003+08:00

It's a bad time to fall sick, but fallen sick I have. Let me not go into the details of my sickness, though the wise doctor did relent and prescribed me some antibiotics. The highlight of the day - apart from bumping into Voon, Andrew and Siew Li at the Campus centre - had to be what the doctor prescribed me for my painful throat:

Cepacaine, an anasethetic gargle.
Ice.
Ice-cream.

So, who said you shouldn't take ice-cream when you're down with the flu? Not even the doctors!!

The end of H&N.

2008-10-09T12:14:00.004+08:00

I'm at the tail-end of my Head & Neck rotation (that's neurology/neurosurgery/ endocrinology/opthalmology/ENT/stroke all in one), and what a whirlwind it has been! Surely the whole list of diseases involving the head and neck can't be covered in 5 wks, you say? And to that I would nod my head furiously in agreement. It seemed like too much to observe/digest/ruminate about in 5 wks. That picture above, in particular, is to remind me to go watch a few neurosurgeries if I can. Hopefully cranial stuff, and not more laminectomy or microdisectomy or kyphoplasty or spinal fusion surgery. I didn't even go to stroke clinic to see how these patients were followed-up, even though I did see some stroke patients up in the wards. In fact, there's probably a whole lot more things I didn't do.

But it was definitely a good run.

And now I'm back to a slack rotation. Well, that means I'd have more time to do revision. Which is very important considering that EOYs are in 5 wks with hardly any time to spare. Buck up, Xin Yi! Study your ass off and then you can go bask in the great outdoors!!

I'm really looking forward to the whitewater rafting trip I've got lined up at the end of this all.

The love I'm getting.

2008-10-08T11:47:00.000+08:00

Have you ever gotten a random, single-worded letter? I have!!

(This was quite some time ago, but I just got reminded of it again ;p)

Zhen's very personalized, very pretty card (as always). Lubbew sooo much! *hugs. All the best for your exams!

Xue Ting's extremely cheeky card!! Got me laughing like mad. Where got people so BHB on someone else's bday one?! But thanks so much babe. I know your intentions :)) Birds of a feather flock together ey? :)

New.

2008-10-03T19:49:00.000+08:00

Want some gaytime?

2008-09-22T17:38:00.005+08:00

So they say Australians like playing puns.

The weekend hangout.

2008-09-21T19:50:00.002+08:00

It feels so wonderful to be hanging out as Kindnetix once again :) We never seem to lose the spontaniety, do we? Everytime we come together as a group we talk on end and even lose track of time! Definitely another camping trip come end of this year! :))

The irritating things in life...

2008-09-19T16:30:00.003+08:00

...is the water running cold when you're in the shower.
...is washing all your white laundry only to realise that you've missed out one white shirt.
...is not being able to find one side of your sock after all that tumbling in the dryer.
...is when the full roll of toilet paper keeps tearing in your hand because of its shitty quality.
...is when the full roll of toilet paper keeps tearing in your hand because of its shitty quality, especially when you're rushing to catch a movie.
...is needing to shit after you've gotten yourself clean in the bath.
...is heading to a far block for class only to realise that you haven't gotten everything you need on you.
...is walking into the ED without an ID tag.
...is needing to pay attention in class when your stomach is rumbling like mad.
...is running to catch a bus that only comes every 20 mins, only to see it start off right in front of you.
...is knowing that the consultant standing with his arms folded in front of you is quizzing you on a piece of information you'd just read the night before but can't quite put a finger to it.
...is being allergic to insulin when you're a type 1 diabetic.

...is getting acute lymphocytic leukaemia when you're only 3 years old, having the disease relapse 2 times by the time you're 7, receiving a sibling bone marrow allograft only to get graft vs host disease and a cerebrovascular accident (CVA) post-surgery, developing bronchiolitis obliterans needing a lung transplant, developing hypopituitarism resulting in poor pubertal development, oesteopenia and primary ovarian failure, having adrenal suppression due to long-term steroids, and contracting cytomegalovirus (CMV) retinitis (not surprising considering her immunosuppressed state) resulting in retinal detachment and blindness in one eye.

Yes, the last 2 cases were patients that I had just seen recently. I felt especially sad for that poor girl who was barely a teenager (and who definitely didn't look her age) when I saw her that day. She did NOTHING to deserve whatever she had. I seriously wondered where I would be in life if I even had half of her comorbidities. It just served as a reminder of how blessed I am, really. I guess I should really be working harder because I shouldn't let all these things (potential?) in me go to waste.

MAF.

2008-09-13T22:23:00.005+08:00

The mid-autumn festival is here!! Had a nice quiet one on my birthday in Yr 1, was back in Singapore for the 2nd one (gladly savouring all my favourite mooncakes), and then comes this year's celebration which was a blast! All thanks to Jas and Trs who opened their hse (and PS3) up to all of us, and were wonderful hosts (as always!). That said, it wouldn't have been fun without the ppl who contributed to the potluck, Yeo for bringing us LAST YEAR's lanterns, and those who went to carry lanterns and have a spin at the park! :) I'm sure that brought back great memories ;p Unfortunately, this year the lanterns weren't so properly preserved though, one caught fire and burnt to bits right infront of our eyes. Destructive kids we are.

Didn't take any pictures at the gathering, but just so Mummy knows I'm getting my fair share of mooncakes, here they are!! :)

Mummy, these can never beat the ones you have right now though! So save some in the fridge for me like you did in Yr 1, pretty pls?? :) Am dreaming about the mooncakes listed here already!! Darn, shouldn't have looked back and enticed myself!

[Backdated] When the right answer isn't the right answer.

2008-08-28T22:01:00.006+08:00

Click to enlarge.

Such is the life in Monash. But more importantly, after the entertaining debate on 'The Death of Clinical Skills' today, it just goes to show that we definitely cannot rely on technology alone. Looks like my intended profession will be sticking around for...awhile.

Patients.

2008-08-25T19:06:00.005+08:00

Today, I met an annoyingly rude patient. She was in bed and refusing to answer any of my registrar's questions till she 'got a wee'. She was complaining on and on about the nurses not being attentive to her needs. I had this feeling that they were ignoring her because she had lots of 'needs' and pestered them consistently. So our team saw another patient before coming back to her. This time, she was seated comfortably in the chair beside the bed demanding to be put back in bed. We couldn't do that because the nurses wanted to change the sheets. And so she refused to answer any of our questions yet again, till she got 'tucked back into bed'. When my registrar tried to explain to her that she was the doctor overseeing her care and that the answers were important, she barked that she DIDN'T CARE. She proceeded to ignore (or choose to reply after one whole minute) each and every one of the registrar's questions, even though she could clearly hear them and clearly knew that she was wasting our precious time. Daryl jokingly nudged me and said that soon I'd be like that grumpy old lady. I certainly hope not! But this has probably been the hardest patient I've seen so far. I realised that most patients are quite cooperative once they see that you're trying your best to help them (or possibly because they know that you hold the key to their health ;p), and I really actually thank them for that. It's harder for a doctor to do their job if provided with incomplete or truncated histories, and some patients hinder us by simply not thinking hard enough about what had happened to them. So now I'm definitely thinking that a patient's recovery stems from the combined effort of the doctor and patient, and certain patients should blame doctors less for their poor prognosis (reads especially the smoker with COPD). Some paradigm shift required for all the patients out there :)

Speaking of smokers and COPD, that reminds me. It's stupid when you see what some people are doing to their life. Another patient, an Aboriginal, came in with gross ascites (fluid in the stomach, estimated to be about 7L) and oedema (fluid in tissues in the body) up to mid-thigh, but hear his complaint: 'I noticed that my penis was swelling.' What?!! He didn't notice his grossly overdistended stomach, that made him unable to bend down and put on his shoes...but he noticed that! He told us he went around barefooted. 'Just as well, my feet were swollen and my shoes couldn't fit anymore anyway.' His symptoms were due to a history of chronic liver disease, and a friend of mine told me that these people drink Listerine instead of alcohol, because government grants for these poor people do not include alcoholic drinks. Sure enough, he'd even brought a humongous bottle of Listerine to the hospital. It was sticking out of his bag and I was wondering if the attending doctors would notice it and make a connection. However, I guess nobody would jump to conclusions and accuse him without the necessity to do so, and as much as I did not want to stereotype, I felt like evidence was slapping me in the face.

The above anecdote was meant to be humourous but I guess I cannot help but conclude that such circumstances do make the vocation harder. To act in the patient's best interest without stereotyping, to convey the message to the patient without losing his or her respect (nobody likes to hear displeasing stuff, right?), to even continue to want to help them when they don't want to help themselves. Takes alot of soul, and I think I'm far from that. More pruning, anyone?

Life feels complete now.

2008-08-23T16:34:00.007+08:00

One fine Wednesday night, after feasting on some Japanese food and supporting our dear Yr 3 Med students in their indoor soccer finals, I relished the warmth of my home and bed, only to find a RAT in my room. Horror of horrors. It had entered my room while I was out for the day. I knew I was living with rats (they had invaded my house during the winter break and going into that incident would be yet another long story). Cohabitating. Or rather, putting up with them (a significant difference there). But they disappeared for some time and I had let my guard down to these scheming creatures, which was a very unwise thing to do. Now, they had invaded my PERSONAL SPACE.

I was furious, petrified, full of selfblame for not closing my door. The stupid rat did not want to get out of my room despite our (me and my housemate's) attempts at disturbing its hiding place and moving all my stuff out of the room to make sure it had nowhere to hide. Then, IT DISAPPEARED. It scurried behind my table, but after shifting that away too, we realised that it was not there. Urgh.

I trust that the rat has gone by now, since I've vacuumed up all the droppings it had left as souvenir, and no more have appeared. But it creeps me to think that everything I'm using now has been run over by a rat before. I'd never have imagined being in this position a few years ago. I thought lizards were my arch nemesis. Now maybe I should add rats to the list.

The only reason why my title's as such is because maybe all this was a blessing in disguise. Silver lining, anyone? Now my room's much cleaner because I've vacuumed it up, there's ~~no more~~ less dust and cobwebs everywhere, and I've rearranged the furniture a bit such that everything's more accessible. I'm quite glad that my printer's up on a cupboard now and I don't have to bend to feed it paper anymore. As with the bigger leg space I have under my desk. Xin Yi is a happy girl.

Of course, there's more to my joy that just a neat room. The living room is equipped with a brand new keyboard that way exceeds my expectations. I have been thinking about buying a keyboard for a long while, but there had been no enticing offers. I was looking for one with piano keys though, but now the one sitting out there's a new model with all the digital jumble and can be connected to the computer as well! Xin Yi IS a VERY happy girl. Thanks Daddy for approving my buy so readily too! :)) I'm sure the avenue for recreation will complement and advance my studies very well, haha ;p

Biologically different.

2008-08-05T18:49:00.000+08:00

A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need and a man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Happy birthday Daddy!!

2008-08-05T01:00:00.004+08:00

Celebrated my Dad's birthday with the whole family via Skype today, while miles across the ocean. (The wonders of technology!!) It was incidental though, I was skyping with my brother when Dad brought up his own cake in front of the video to show me what the family got him, inciting screams of 'Daddy you're not supposed to carry your own cake!!' from the brother, and inspiring me to suggest doing the singsong-cutcake bit of the celebration together as a family. It was hilarious to participate in and watch. There was asynchrony in our clapping due to the inherent lag. My dad actually offered me a slice of the Bakerzin cake knowing full well I couldn't have it. I goofed around pretending to munch the cake off the small little slithole camera. My brother kept commenting that the cake was 'dammn sinful' while continuing to take huge bites off it. My dad chided him for 'his indulgence in sin'. Got me laughing like mad. That's my cranky family. Don't know what I'd do without them.

The skype session ended off with my well-wishes, followed by Daddy's well-intentioned 'love you, will get you a slice of that cake when you're back'. Rumblerumblerumble. Well, so I did get hungry after the celebration, but I certainly hope that it was a one-of-a-kind birthday celebration for you, Dad!

Vision of the Alabaster jar and the woman.

2008-08-02T13:06:00.015+08:00

This vision from our heavenly Father was given to minister to my broken heart from a relationship that had ended badly. May this vision encourage and comfort you in such a time, as it has touched my heart and helped me move on with life. The vision began early in the morning, as I woke from my sleep and started to dwell on my past relationship with someone I loved for the past 5 years which ended on a bitter note.

I saw a woman dressed in a grey rugged old dress, smashing a precious and beautiful alabaster jar. The woman smashed the jar using her hand with such great force against the wall that the jar broke into many small pieces. The great impact caused some of the jar pieces to fly and injure the woman’s eyes, face, hands, feet, and even made a cut on her dress.

Like the woman who smashed the precious alabaster jar, and sustained the wounds, I ended the relationship with such force and got wounded by the experience. The woman felt the pain of seeing her efforts to keep this alabaster jar new and intact - smashed into pieces, and the pain of breaking something so dearly cherished. It was exactly how I felt about my breakup, the pain of losing someone dear in my life.

In the vision, the Holy Spirit led me to see each wound closely and how our heavenly Father healed it. First, the wounded eyes: The woman’s eyes were red and teary from the cut in her eyes, just like how my eyes were after crying at night before I slept. I saw a man walk up to the woman and waved his hands pass her eyes. After his hands passed her eyes, I saw her eyes healed. It was beautiful, clear and white, not a single redness in sight. It then dawned on me, that the man is Jesus. He came to heal this woman from her pain and wounds. The Holy Spirit was telling me Jesus is wiping my tears away, taking away my blindness to see past the hurt. I could now see Jesus’ love for me clearer and the opportunities and road ahead.

Secondly, the woman’s face had a cut on her cheek which was healed by Jesus with a wave of his hand again. This symbolized how I felt (unattractive) after knowing the person I loved has his eyes on someone else. The Holy Spirit was telling me not to compare with other people’s physical traits. What matters to our heavenly Father is the inside, our hearts and attitudes. I felt God’s encouragement upon me to see beauty in the person He has created in me, and not the physical attractiveness.

Thirdly, I saw Jesus taking my own hand, as though I became that woman I saw, and gently wiping away the blood and wound, leaving the skin of my hand renewed and restored. Telling me I can go on with life, doing things normally. God was telling me to dutifully use my healed hands to accomplish tasks He will assign to me to further His Kingdom. God saw this little sacrifice of breaking away from this unhealthy relationship and has opened up opportunities for me to serve and glorify Him more.

Fourthly, the woman’s dress had a tear just above her chest area. It signified her body and the feelings of shame, embarrassment and disgust over the exposed skin, near the woman’s intimate breasts. Just like how I felt when the person I loved tried to be intimate with me. I saw Jesus not only close the tear on the woman’s dress, but He gave her a brand new purple and white silk dress! It was so beautiful and shimmering. It symbolized God’s forgiveness and His ability to cleanse us to be as white as snow. The colour purple signified royalty, just as how the woman is of such importance to God. Again, I felt the Holy Spirit telling me gently that my sense of self-respect over my body has been restored and I no longer need to feel shameful.

Lastly, the cut on the woman’s feet was healed. This signified that God can heal us so that we need not stagger on with life alone, but to walk well with God by our side. The vision ended with the woman and Jesus walking away from the smashed alabaster jar together, with the weeping woman being comforted as they walked onto a long path ahead of them. I sensed God’s comforting words to me, as though He was telling me, “Dear daughter, your grieving over this broken relationship may seem like a long painful process but it will end soon and you will be well.”. From this last part of the vision, I have learnt to trust God to be beside us, on our journey of life. To seek Him, know Him more and rely on His great strength and love to continue to walk on. I have come to know what it means to have God as our pillar of strength.

Sometimes such painful experiences are used greatly by God to mould us and change us, to teach us something that we didn’t appreciate before and bring us closer to Him. So what I am trying to say is, do not let bad life experiences stop you from discovering the fullness and goodness that God has to offer you. Learn from it and move on. It is a sign of good Christian growth for a Christian life is not a smooth sailing easy life, but a life with many challenges. Remember, our rewards are in heaven :)

As you learn not to look back and dwell on the past hurts, pain, disappointments and regrets, your eyes will be opened to see the promises and the good plans God has in store for you. May you always walk closely with Christ in your life and seek him as your counselor, teacher, comforter, healer and heavenly Father. This vision ministered to me about a breakup but I believe the meaning of breaking the alabaster jar applies to anyone. We all have our own ‘alabaster jars’ in our life. It could mean breaking away from a bad habit, an unhealthy relationship that tears you down and brings you further from God or learning to break away from over-commitment to work, neglecting your family, etc. As I pondered on the alabaster jar, I saw the beauty of Jesus’ mighty sacrificial act on the cross for us. By focusing on this sacrificial act, it helps us to see which areas in our life can and should be sacrificed to Jesus, so that it pleases and glorifies him. This has helped me to develop a sacrificial mindset and attitude to all my relationships, to cultivate a heart of giving, not taking, and to be a blessing, not a burden to people around me. I hope you can take time to reflect and find areas to improve. As you make little sacrifices in your life for Jesus, he sees your sacrifices and will richly bless you more than you can ever imagine.

“I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. For He has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with jewels” (Isaiah 61:10).

-- As written by a Sister in Christ

Ps. The author would also like to inform everyone out there that this was shared as a form of encouragement, and should not be a stumbling block. Many verses in the Bible talk about visions and the prophesizing of false visions, causing much ambivalence on whether one should believe any at all. Be discerning, and may the Lord guide you.

Footnote: The Alabaster jar as in the Bible [Matthew 26: 6-9]

While Jesus was in Bethany in the home of a man known as Simon the Leper, a woman came to him with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, which she poured on his head as he was reclining at the table. When the disciples saw this, they were indignant. "Why this waste?" they asked. "This perfume could have been sold at a high price and the money given to the poor."

Jesus delights in us coming to him with our Alabaster jars - material or immaterial things we treasure most, things he's granted us in the first place - to be offered back to him as a sacrifice. When I read the vision my Sister in Christ wrote, I was shocked that it was revealed to her that we often take up our Alabaster jars and smash them in front of our Lord Saviour, in bitter vengence and hurt. We don't care anymore, we don't want to cherish the good, and don't want to offer our situation it up to the Lord. We break down, inevitably and inadvertently displaying outwardly the havoc that's wrecking us internally. God sees that, and though He might reprimand us for it, He still offers us what we need most at that time - comfort, and a healing hand.

Finally, the last part of the paragraph was intentionally quoted. Somestimes, the people around us don't understand the sacrifices we make. They think of practical ways our sacrifices could be better used. But don't be disheartened for we should indeed offer our greatest worship onto Him, whatever the cost. Easier said than done, and I'm definitely not the exemplar of Christlike-ness. But lets encourage one another along the way, and build each other up :)

Naivety.

2008-07-28T19:57:00.011+08:00

Naivety. A character trait which I've always known, and have always attached a negative connotation to. But now, I hardly think so. I want to be naive again. I want to know that I'm naive. That despite knowing all that I do now, and starting to compartmentalise my life so that I wouldn't get hurt, I am still naive. Still believing, still giving the benefit of the doubt. Still trusting in the goodness of people and wanting to invest in other's lives.

-- Edited from a previous post.

Title: Into the Unknown

Good times.

2008-07-28T12:23:00.009+08:00

The mum and the brother had just left, after their one week of fun in Melbourne. I feel happy, and yet sad, but mostly happy. Was feeling really homesick before they arrived even though I had just been back in Singapore, for reasons I couldn't put a finger to. Now I figured it's mostly because I felt like I hadn't spent enough time with them, and now I'm satisfied that I'd more than caught up during this one week :)

I've also got more home-cooked food in the (refrigerator and) tummy, all thanks to the xi4xin1-ness of my dear mummy! (It even rhymes.)

Cannot help smiling at the happy times we've had, even though the trip wasn't entirely smooth. Cranky comments my brother made during the road trips keep emerging in my head.

'We HAVE to go to Wilson's Prom, if not Wilson cannot graduate!'
'Why Squeaky Beach so screwed up one, must run then will squeak.'
'Let's not do the maze la, we'll be frozen before we can complete it.'
'Ahhh.. (checking the photograph he just captured) MSN dp quality!!'
'The man-made stalactites in this restaurant look like those wet tissue paper people throw to stick on the ceiling.'
'Rawwwrr (running a bear puppet along my shoulder)!! Eh, you got scared right!'
'This TimTam Shake really tastes like TimTam!'

Hmmm, actually I think I made some of those comments.. the memory's intentionally hazy ;p

Oh dear!

Missing daddy.

The bro's favourite Greek restaurant. (He had it twice while he was here!)

The bro's attempt to fix the signage.

Some sillyness.

Indeed MSN dp quality! :))

My efficient way of recollecting.

2008-06-25T01:37:00.009+08:00

MCRs.
The ultra fulfilling day of doing 1 IV cannulation, watching 2 surgeries, scrubbing in on 1 additional surgery, going solo in pre-admission interviewing 1 patient, doing 3 bloods and then clerking 3 ward patients (this was the day I experienced the tip of the iceberg of what it would be like to practice as an intern).
Mock exam.
Peking duck, 1 hr unlimited gaming, soft-toy catching and casino wars.
Unsurprising surprises at T3 ;p
Absolute Pear.
Running, swimming and badminton.
Prisonbreak 3.
A cheery SMS early in the morning informing me that the bestie has touched down.
Shooting out of the house to meet the bestie for shopping!! (well, I wanted to shop but she bought more stuff than me in the end ;p)
Old Airport Road and the closing ceremony of the Singapore Arts Festival.
Catching up with the ECG at Zhen's.
Ditto the above amidst purple lipgloss, chocolates and some tile business!
A 7(?)-course picnic by the bay, a tour around the Singapore Flyer and Le Scaphandre et le Papillon.
Fraser's hill and The Pavilion Kuala Lumpur with the family.
The parking discussion.
PS meetup with Sihuan.
A nurse shark, murray eel, black tip shark (attracted with the trick of the trade), hermit crab, nudibranch and lots more in Tioman!
Nemo-playing/scaring.
Chern's stereotypes (go figure ;p).
Zhen's panic attack that I might have flown back to Aussieland without saying goodbye.
The Escape from Huang Shi.
Paddles city starbucks.
The grey dress.
Popiah party re-lived!
The couch.
McMuffin, wake up! McMuffin! I want to eat you!!
Debbie's visitation of the new house (and the uber long chat that followed ;p)
The night out with the dad (in good ol' public transport fashion, no less!)
The One Fullerton Starbucks session and the House-Hanloong comparisons AND abriel and tjow's exploration of the new place by moonlight!!
Latenight McSpicy and laksa + the affectionate 'laksa gal' sms :)))
The last minute Brewerkz gathering.
Shimin's fault-finding with her already-so-perfect body!
...

Enough said, I think it's time for some peektures.

There there, all those happy faces! :) Can't wait to see them again come Dec.

Editor's note: Not so efficient afterall. I actually left out stuff!! Also, I realised that the pictures have betrayed my change in skin tone. White one picture, dark the next. Le sigh!

What I've come to learn from Elizabeth Elliot.

2008-06-10T20:04:00.002+08:00

What looks like 'militant morality' to the opposite sex is partly the knowledge deep within a woman that she holds the key to the situation where a man's passions are involved. He will be as much of a gentleman as she requires and, when the chips are down, probably no more, even if he has strict standards of his own. He will measure her reserve, always testing the limits, probing. This is not necessarily because he wants to go as far as possible. It is sometimes from a confused sense of obligation, or even chivalry, to meet her expectations. I'm sure this is true, because men have told me so. Sometimes, bringing a girl home from a date, they say to themselves, 'Guess I've got to kiss her goodnight. Wish I didn't have to.' It is a relief when the girl lets him know she doesn't want him to. It can be a relief when she says no, even when he wants to kiss her, because he finds mystery in her, and mystery is both surprise and delight.

So guys will love me after this, but I must admit that maybe Elizabeth Elliot is right. "I was convinced that was what he wanted." Now we know better. As the supposedly more rational gender (haha ;p), we should take control of our situation and stop blaming the guys for our own pitfalls. "He persuaded/pressured/tricked me into it." Well, then he isn't that good a guy after all, but we could also do better to save the situation.

Shall end off this discussion with a beautiful paragraph quote from the book about being in love.

Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. In fact, the state of being in love usually does not last. But of course ceasing to be 'in love' need not mean ceasing to love. Love is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask and receive from God. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be 'in love' with someone else. 'Being in love' first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep their promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.

Sloth in God's dictionary is defined as not carrying out His purposes when it is within our capabilities to do so.

2008-06-09T17:43:00.004+08:00

I roamed the streets of Zimbabwe, a missionary for Compassion Ministry. This was my first week here, after a multitude of training for this passion of mine to stand in the gap where I was most needed, where God has called me to be. I was all prepared to be stationed amongst the poorest of poor and neediest of needy, and true indeed, this place was a desolate one, but none more desolate than the eyes of the children who line the street.

This night, I was heading back to my hostel. I was done for the day and needed some rest to continue my task of serving the community around me. Compassion Ministry was in charge of planting schools around the area, and it was no easy feat. It was no easy feat, particularly, keeping these children in the schools. They all saw fit better things to spend their time on. I would too, if my main concern was where my next meal was coming from. My mind preoccupied with these matters, I did not see the three girls approaching me just as I was crossing the street from Meikles Hotel.

"Sir, for $20 you can have me for the whole night." Her statement was plain. While I was retiring for the day, hers was just about to start. I quickly scanned the three girls, the eldest of them all did not even look sixteen years of age. Poor souls, poor poor souls.

I turned to the second girl. "So, are you going for $20 as well?" I asked. She nodded, unfazed. She was the quiet one. "And you?" I turned to the last girl. She was trying to hide that bit of indignance, but I saw it flicker in her eyes, before quickly fading away. She tried to smile, but how genuine could it be when there was so much plaguing her mind? This child had taken on the burden of an adult, and it showed. She probably had a few siblings waiting back 'home' for her, waiting for whatever miserly bit of income she could bring in. Her parents had probably divorced, disappeared or been lost to AIDs.

"Yes," she replied nonetheless, not evading my gaze. She had to be strong.

"Okay," I decided. "You guys meet me in the lobby of the hotel back there in thirty minutes then." I pointed to the hotel across the road. I had to get some things settled first, the most important of which was to proceed to the reception to book a hotel room.

After busying myself for the whole thirty minutes, I greeted the girls again at the lobby. "Come, let me show you girls something." I directed them up the lift. They seemed nonchalent, definitely not expecting what was in store.

And so I opened the door of the hotel room. There it was, everything I had ordered. Four slices of the best cake, and an assortment of finger food. Drinks of every flavour. All the DVDs the hotel could rent me. Boardgames too. The girls' eyes widened in surprise. This night was not turning out the way they expected it to be. It was foreign to them, so foreign they were stuck in their tracks and did not know how to approach the situation. I had never seen such hesitancy in children who were presented with all the delights in their world.

"Go on," I nudged them. They looked at each other, finally deciding to let their guard down and hustle into the room. They ransacked the pile of DVDs, pulling out the Disney titles. They couldn't agree on which to watch first. I had to intervene, telling them they'd get to watch all and just had to start somewhere. We plonked ourselves in front of the television after choosing a popular and heartwarming title - they gobbling down their food and cake, I savouring every bit of their reaction and exhilaration. Soon they got tired, and retired to the bed.

Seated at the corner of the room in a comfy armchair, I watched them sleep for awhile. They were sleeping soundly, just as children should. This is how it should be. I left the room.

I knew I could not change anything in these children's lives. Tomorrow, they'd be out on the streets again, soliciting customers who would probably not respond the same way I did. However, I was content with what I had done. At least for one night, just this one night, they were children again.

I had always thought that everyone should come to Zimbabwe at least once in their lives, and maybe they wouldn't continue living their ignorant sheltered lives. Maybe then, something would be done. Maybe, we're all just too afraid to face the facts. But that doesn't mean the facts aren't staring straight at us.

--Adapted from a sermon I'd heard

The starfish darling..

2008-06-03T17:31:00.001+08:00

..msn-ed specially to tell me that she dreamt about me. Walking with her down the corridors and canteen of RJC. I still remember the times we spent together, the 'do you know Starfish is not called Xin Yu in Chinese?', and the random 'Go, Starfish!' cheers whenever I was playing for sport or up on stage. Fine memories.

And guess what, this is after 2 years of absence from her life? I'd gladly take that as a sign :)

The start of a new rotation.

2008-06-02T18:54:00.003+08:00

The air is buzzing with excitement, as all the keen-eyed Monash medical students begin the Big Swop. The change of rotations.

Or maybe, it is just my air. My enthusiasm in Haematology and Oncology had died down toward the end of the 4th week, only to be reignited by an ICU consultant who taught me constantly, ONLY to be diminished yet again when I was down with the flu. So now, I've just started on my General Surgery rotation, and it looks promising, which in my dictionary reads exciting and interesting. I've always loved working with my hands, or for this matter watching others work with theirs. It's amazing what they can do, how delicate and swift their manouvers. Every surgery, down to the last suture, is a work of fine art.

I watched a replacement laparoscopic banding today, and a staging laparotomy. Apparently the lap banding inserted a few years ago on this morbidly obese lady had worked really well, and she'd lost 100% of her excess weight. That's a huge success! The usual weight loss for such a procedure is usually 60-70%. However, complications arose. The patient developed a haitus hernia which they fixed concurrently, while replacing the band. So much for risks, and a good prognosis. It's still never good to be at any end of that weighing scale spectrum.

My point is very much supported by this:

Fat Or Thin Sexy Woman - The best home videos are here

That aside, I've to put in work to get the most out of this rotation. 7am ward rounds, and 630am Thursdays so that we can clerk the latest updates on the patients before presenting it to the consultants when they arrive at 7. So glad the break's coming up, and nicely splicing my rotation into two.

Nonetheless, it will be worth all the while! Afterall, I'm watching a Whipple's tomorrow :)) What more can a 3rd year med student ask for?!

This crazy bug.

2008-05-30T17:03:00.004+08:00

This has been one hell of a week, being down with a strong virus. Now my housemate Kel, and my partner at the Alfred Daryl, are both sick. Related? Go figure. The funniest part about it (and I mean 'funny' with a tinge of sarcasm) was that in reluctantly pulling myself out of bed to sit for my MCR on Thurs, I probably passed the germs on to Daryl. Half my mind is set on thinking that he purposely fell sick trying to makes me feel guilty as a responsible individual who's supposed to practice self-quarantine. Heh. But nah that's just the part that would kid him about it on Monday. This guy has been a great partner for the semester (minus the last 2 weeks), and I do hope he gets lots of rest over the weekend and gets well soon! :) We need to kick ass at Gen Surg! I know he will, anyway.

As for the housemate, I'm so glad the worst is over :) Now lots of rest, and a touch of care and attention, should do the trick? :))

Those missing ingredients.

2008-05-26T19:24:00.006+08:00

I found my fennel bulb!! :)

I've had this fish with angel hair speghetti recipe which required fennel bulb, but the latter ingredient has eluded me for a very long time. Finally found it while doing groceries this week, and so I whipped up the dish again. This time, the dish tasted so much better! Especially since the fish was the correct sort, and cooked just right :) The fennel bulb tasted slightly minty, adding a refreshing taste to the dish! Loved it. Think the housemate did too, considering he had two whole helpings! ;p

Check this out. Apparently this bulb is really healthy too: http://www.lesliebeck.com/ingredient_index.php?featured_food=87

And when I opened my door, there you were standing --
Well-tossed hair, shirt and tie, holding up that missing side of the one (may I add, favourite) sock I was searching for.

Lets blog about happy things.

2008-05-17T19:51:00.012+08:00

All-in!! Except the photographer (me, unfortunately) Becky and Kerf.

Ahh I forgot to add this popiah-cheers picture! No wonder I felt something was terribly missing :)

Mel and I cozying in my room :)

Looks abit like our heads are sprouting out of one body.

Caricature-like photos of everyone (minus the person who was so reluctant to let us take her photo I dare not put up before asking for permission?)

The tangyuan-popiah potluck was a success!! I had three rolls of delicious home-made popiah, even though I was stuffed with delightable cous-cous salad, stew, egg-tofu, fried rice and banana cake that our very friendly guests brought. I made a new discovery: Elliot cooks quite a fair bit, and he's pretty good at it too! Already has my stamp of approval, what with the fine banana cake that he baked from scratch. Somehow the females here at Monash are failing terribly. But that goes very well with me finding a house-husband though. Hurhur.

And since I'm onto food, let's talk about my recent meals. Discovered a nice Mexican place near Clayton just up along Princes Highway. Have always driven past it, and finally got to try it. I'd go back for the nachos. They serve the biggest and most satisfying plate of nachos I've ever seen! (Oh apparently they entered the Guinness Book of Records for the Largest Plate of Nachos, so it HAS to be true ;p)

Rosemary lamb shank with peas and mashed potato.

Had a very nice dinner today thanks to the housemate. I wouldn't even have dared conjure up such a dish in my mind, let alone embark on an attempt to make it. Required herbs I've never seen before (in fact we had to ask the grocer which it was ;p) and wine. Looks like the gourmando has officially started making his own gourmet! :)

We used to watch the clouds go by.

2008-05-05T20:09:00.002+08:00

Saw an ostrich burying its head in the sand, and those furry things (with a smiley face) that I used to draw on my lecture notes, in the dusky sky today.

In recent days.

2008-05-02T08:59:00.007+08:00

Been playing majong as a (very sedentary) form of recreation, and this actually happened during one of the rounds.

Not sure if the tiles are visible, but apparently 3 of us were waiting for the same tile to 'hu' (win). And guess what. Poor Melanie did actually throw the tile out for us to win!! Poor poor Melanie. She lost big time that night. For according to the rules, she had to pay all of us winners.

Home-cooked food galore. No worries, mum and dad. I've been feeding well :)

Then came the much awaited Anzac weekend, where we were rewarded for our KEEN efforts in making the best out of our medical education by a long weekend. I for one totally whiled the whole weekend away, feeling like I shouldn't be doing any work. Had potluck with the carpoolers on friday. Whipped up some Indian food to set the scene for the invitation of Mel's royal highness (note to Mel: an alternative word to insert came to mind but I abandoned the idea instantaneously for fear of the repercussions it might bring). Next up was shopping on Saturday morning, followed by grocery shopping, and another potluck at Jas' place to celebrate her 22nd birthday :) Had lots of fine food (we're turning into such great cooks, aren't we?) and a really lovely cake to top it off. That girl's really blessed! :) I had a really great time hanging out with everyone at the party. A superb end to the superb weekend.

The first time I had this was at Zhen's place. Ahh, good memories :))

The happyfamily-photo taken at Jas' 22nd.

The keys I like are black and white.

2008-04-15T22:20:00.005+08:00

I've made this statement on more than one ocassion, but right now I'm making it again because I've just gotten reaquianted with this wonderful 88-toned instrument and satisfied my itching hands. Played the keyboards for the worship team at OCF on friday, and boy was it amazing. I've always wanted to make use of my musical ability to serve in a church, and now I've finally been granted an opportunity to. The first experience was exciting, and yet nerve wrecking. Wasn't sure if I'd practiced enough; whether my efforts were worthy enough of Him. Kept telling myself that I didn't have to be afraid because it was all dedicated to Him and thus He will take care of how well it goes, but of course human nature still gnawed at me some way or another.

I was comforted that night though, that indeed He was pleased with my service. He would have been pleased with any effort at all, as long as it was all for His glory.

Ps. Dear cousin, I've just started reading Passion and Purity, the tranquil-looking light purple book you gave me on my 21st. Didn't realise that it was a book that Joshua Harris drew inspiration from. Seems more than a coincidence then, that I actually reciprocated and presented you with Boy Meets Girl on your 21st :) God does work in miraculous ways, doesn't He?

Unfolding the rose.

2008-04-10T20:49:00.006+08:00

A young, new preacher was walking with an older, more seasoned preacher in the garden one day. Feeling a bit insecure about what God had for him to do, he was asking the older preacher for some advice. The older preacher walked up to a rosebush and handed the young preacher a rosebud and told him to open it without tearing off any petals. The young preacher looked in disbelief at the older preacher and was trying to figure out what a rosebud could possibly have to do with his wanting to know the will of God for his life and ministry.

But because of his great respect for the older preacher, he proceeded to try to unfold the rose, while keeping every petal intact. It wasn't long before he realized how impossible this was to do.Noticing the younger preacher's inability to unfold the rosebud without tearing it, the older preacher began to recite the following poem:

It is only a tiny rosebud,

A flower of God's design;

But I cannot unfold the petals

With these clumsy hands of mine.

The secret of unfolding flowers
Is not known to such as I.

GOD opens this flower so sweetly,

Then, in my hands, they die.

If I cannot unfold a rosebud,
This flower of God's design,
Then how can I have the wisdom
To unfold this life of mine?

So I'll trust in Him for leading

Each moment of my day.

I will look to Him for His guidance

Each step of the pilgrim way.

The pathway that lies before me,

Only my Heavenly Father knows.

I'll trust Him to unfold the moments,

Just as He unfolds the rose.

March on, bro.

2008-04-10T12:04:00.008+08:00

The brother's going in for BMT tomorrow, taking that step into manhood. So I thought I'd better commemorate this day with a few silly photos we'd taken a few years back. For I may not get any more similar incriminating evidence in time to come :) And when better to put these up than right before he goes in; where I will not be berated at for my actions for at least 9 weeks :))

From left to right starting from the top:

1) Poke!

2) Poke YOU back.

3) Stunned.

4) Now who's grumpy?

5) Ghostly.

6) In true Russell Peter's style.

I must say I'm thankful for all the times we've shared together. And even though I won't be as sad as dad and mum who've been enjoying your presence in the house (I hope!), your going in does mean there'd be no more late night chats and silly video skyping!! That's not good for my sanity. So get excited, get prepared, go in, go hard, and get out of there quick! :) I'd probably see you right when you get out, so that's something to look forward to. Meanwhile, take care in there because I'm going to miss you, bro!

Adelaide, adelaide, adelaide!!

2008-04-04T15:45:00.001+08:00

Been procrastinating to put up this post because I figured that I had to give it the amount of effort it deserved, and it definitely wouldn't get that while I had assignments on my mind. So here I am sitting down to type it after feeling satisfied that I've finally handed in my CAT, only to realise that the post-holiday euphoria has subsided and hence I can only type quite subdued-ly.

Nonetheless, this road trip to Adelaide has been so wonderful, it has changed my whole opinion of Adelaide being a slow town and not a destination of choice. Well indeed it was a slow town and we managed to tour the city in just one day, but then Glenelg, this beachtown where we stayed at, just along the city outskirts, granted Adelaide quite some brownie points. Shops (including fashion outlets) actually open till 11 pm there (a true rarity in Australia)!! Not to mention it gave us lots of opportunities to go down to the beach and camwhore while the sun set right behind us.

We did manage to do quite some bit of feasting as well on the trip. Hunted down some awesome eateries like Fish Out Of Water (this I highly recommend; it has one of the best fish I've ever tasted, at extremely affordable prices) and Spatz (great for late-night coffees!). Managed to grab some Haigh's chocolate too, straight from the factory. Oooh, their Easter eggs are also one of the best I've tasted (especially if you like really creamy chocolate!).

The trip was made more than exciting for the bunch of four of us, due to near-death experiences at Kangaroo Island. The Kangaroos there are simply suicidal (being attracted to the car's headlights when we stupidly, unknowingly, unwillingly but yet [no choice] had to drive at night). They would jump out from the dark bushes straight into the car's projected line of travel. I had to drive with the high beam, place my hand on the honk ready for action/reaction, and be super alerted by any inconsistencies on the gravel road (while all the time willing them not to peek out from any dark corners). I almost had a heart attack from one episode where I swerved, and I think the passengers in my car were positively shaken. This was verified by Mel's intermittent squeaks and statements of 'Kangaroo!!', 'Dead kangaroo' or 'BUSH' (trust me, the bushes do look like curled up kangaroos and were really irritating false alarms). It was then we realised why we witnessed so many tragic remains of carcasses during our daytime travel to the scenic spots (not to mention dented car bumbers).

Other than that, Kangaroo Island was indeed a must-see for anyone travelling to Adelaide. The Remarkable Rocks at Flinders Chase National Park was truly.. remarkable. And we had really close encounters with seals at the Seal Bay too (which was delightful, for the Park Ranger said it was an anomaly for the seals to behave so amourously toward us visitors). We tasted pure Ligurian honey, whose only pure strain left in the world is found in Kangaroo Island. We sandboarded at Little Sahara - these untainted sand dunes on the island. Ahhh, there's so much more, let me continue by letting the pictures do the talking!!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/80235451@N00/sets/72157604382744631/

A closeup of the Northern Lights: An art initiative by the University of Adelaide (lights were shone on the Uni's buildings to create different feels and effects, giving the building a different character each time!) Found this really creative, and certain designs added to the majesty and magnificence of the building. I'm not sure if the details can be seen, but I loved the one with the musical notes :)

Or maybe not.

2008-03-31T16:46:00.008+08:00

What was that about starting my CAT? Looks like I'm back in no less than 6 hours blogging about another episode.. with Mel. Missed the bus by about a second, and then train by another second, today. All that after running as fast as our heels could take us for the train. Seriously. Whenever we're together we just make clowns out of ourselves. But it's just ridiculously funny. Not to mention the hilarious message Mel divulged on the train ride (well it was hilarious to me, but obviously not to Mel in this case ;p). I better take note of that syndrome, might need to use it next time ;p

`*Can't seem to get enough of these moments that perk up my day :))

////////Can't seem to get enough of early-morning sticky post-its either :)

The breakweek.

2008-03-31T10:18:00.005+08:00

Before I do up the post detailing the adelaide trip, let me just start with a simple post of the one week break. It has been absolutely fun, and a well-deserved holiday I must say. After Adelaide, the week was filled with simple joys. Spending time with the OCFers eating homecooked nasi lemak (by a Malaysian no-less!) and playing sit-in-a-circle games (weird hand signals aplenty, causing some pretty serious tummyaches). Going out for hotpot, majong-ing ..getting Mel high. Ooops. But seriously, that girl says the funniest of things when she's high. It's so amusing to watch. 'What's this! Girl getting GUYS for CHAIRS!' she comments, while pulling out chairs for her guests. And the funniest part is that she firmly believed that she wasn't high and that the rest of us were the crazy ones (as all alcoholics usually do, anyway).

Thinking back still gives me the giggles. Ahh well. Now all that has come to a close, and it's time for school to start once again. Better get on the road and down to starting my CAT!

[Backposting] Maundy Thursday.

2008-03-28T15:12:00.000+08:00

Just attended Maundy Thursday, which is not normally held in my home church, and hence I've never experienced it before. It's a Jewish practice, but my local church here embraces it anyway, as a time of remembrance and fellowship. It was definitely interesting for me, with Pastor Derek involving me in any small way he can.

On this day four events are commemorated: the washing of the Disciples' Feet by Jesus Christ, the institution of the Mystery of the Holy Eucharist at the Last Supper, the agony of Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane, and the betrayal of Christ by Judas Iscariot.

We all sat down at the table and had a few things as a church that night:

Hard boiled egg - symbol of the suffering and oppression in Egypt. Everything else in boiling water becomes soft or disintegrates. But an egg becomes hard, like the Israelites. The more it is boiled, the harder it becomes. An egg also symbolizes New Life.
Roasted shankbone of lamb - a reminder of the Lamb that was sacrificed to save our lives.
Bitter herbs (horseradish) - a reminder that the Israelites were servants to slavery.
Greens (parsley, celery) - symbol of coming of Spring which brings hope.
Salt water - a reminder of the tears the Israelites cried in Egypt.
Haroset - nut, apple, cinnamon, wine mixture which has the appearance of straw in remembrance of the mortar used to build the Treasure Cities for Pharaoh. It is symbolic of the hope of freedom that enabled ancestors to withstand the bitterness of slavery.
Matzah - the unleavened bread symbolized the haste with which the Israelites left Egypt.

After the reading of passages from Exodus and Matthew during the breaking of bread and drinking of wine, we also performed the servantly task of cleaning each other's feet. Under no other circumstances would I have imagined myself cleaning someone else's feet, but I'm sure the person whose feet I cleaned felt really special :) I definitely did, when the pastor cleaned my feet. In addition, his words struck me as he said to me while performing the task, "Xin Yi, for someone who's going to be serving others all her life, it's wise to realise how Jesus served." That's a pretty high calling to reach, almost scary to think of. But I felt really touched when he added, "And how did He do it? By always remembering to draw strength from God." So that makes 2 things to work toward :) Hopefully I'd remember it for life, especially when I start work. If not, reminders are always welcomed :)

From the one with the message from RBC Ministries :)

2008-03-20T10:41:00.005+08:00

Been Thinking About: The Wisdom of Motives
(an article by RBC Ministries President Mart De Haan)

Is it right to consider not only whether a law was broken, but why?

I’ve been wondering about this after reading how a German court handled the ticketing of a motorist caught speeding by a traffic control camera. When the court learned why the driver had broken the speed limit, charges were waived. Instead, officials sent the driver a doll of a policeman holding a traffic camera. It mattered to someone in the system that the man was speeding to get his wife to the hospital for the birth of their first child.

Motives and the courts

The “police doll verdict” touches on an issue of law discussed by defense lawyer and author Melvin Belli. In Everybody’s Guide to the Law, he writes, “Two things must be present for a crime to be committed: an act . . . and a particular state of mind.” Belli goes on to say, “In law, it is frequently said that an act is not a crime if done without a guilty mind.”

But what is a guilty mind? Legal scholars have an ongoing debate about whether courts should weigh motive in considering guilt. Should a traffic court really be interested in why a speeding driver is breaking the law?

Motives and everyday life

Outside of court, motives are easier to consider even if they remain difficult to prove. If a wife sees red when her husband brings home yellow roses, her reaction is more likely to be about her suspicion of his motives than the color of the flowers. When large corporations give big money to a political campaign, we suspect an ulterior motive. In so many areas, we naturally look for the hidden agenda behind gifts, personal endorsements, and even good manners.

Motives and faith

Jesus talked a lot about motives. His approach, however, was to help us focus on our own hearts before going after the faults of others. Because of our inclination to do the right things for the wrong reasons, He told His disciples not to let their left hand know when their right hand was giving to the poor (Matthew 6:3-4). He also said that when they prayed they should do so in secret rather than making a self-serving public display of their spirituality (vv.6, 18).

What difference do motives make?

If we are not careful, we can do some of the best things for the worst reasons. Our purposes combine with what we believe and do to shape the character of our faith, our love, and our laughter. They fuel blind ambition and feed bitter envy. They determine whether we use the knowledge of the Bible to help others, or to control, condemn, and con them out of their money.

Bad motives can put honorable actions to shame just as good motives can turn even the most menial task into something noble.

Where do good motives come from?

The wonderful thing about good motives is that their source and story is not limited to a conscience or commandment that says, “You should, you ought, or you must.” According to Jesus and the Bible, if we love well, it is because God first loved us (1 John 4:19). If we have the right kind of faith in the darkest night, it is because our God has shown Himself to be more trustworthy than our circumstances.

But thinking about where good motives come from raises another important question.

What happens when the music stops?

This was the question Job faced. According to the Bible, he was one of the wealthiest men in the world until his reasons for serving God were challenged.

As the story unfolds, Job’s name comes up in a conversation between God and the devil. The King of heaven points to Job as an example of someone who has remained loyal to Him. Satan, however, responds by attacking Job’s motives. He argues that Job sees God as a meal ticket and says that if Job weren’t getting what he wanted, the King’s model citizen would be cursing rather than praying.

So God allows Satan to test Job’s heart. In waves of terrible misfortune, Job finds himself destitute and confused by pain and grief. Why? Why was God allowing this to happen? The harder Job tried to find answers, the more bitter and angry he became.

While much of his earlier life had been spent trying to help others (Job 29), Job now finds himself in a desperate struggle to defend his own reputation. Even his friends are accusing him of hiding the scandal they believe would explain his suffering.

Only when God intervenes does Job’s terrible ordeal come to an end (38-42). Only when God opens Job’s eyes and enables him to see the wonder and wisdom of his Creator as he has never seen Him before does Job’s cloud of despair lift. Only then does Job declare, “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees You. Therefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes” (42:5-6).

Job’s motives for remaining loyal to God had been tested. His reasons for fearing God and hating evil (1:8) had been refined in the fires of loss. Now in stark nakedness of soul, he worshiped God because he had come to see that God alone deserves to be trusted in the dark night of our soul.

Thousands of years later, Job’s story is still helping us to see that, in a sense, Satan had a point. In the courts of heaven and on earth, motives count. If we are not careful, why we seek God can say more about our desires than about our confidence in His eternal power, wisdom, and honor (James 4:1-3).

And so we pray: Father in heaven, we are so inclined to be concerned about the motives of others, while overlooking our own. Search us, O God, and know our hearts; try us, and know our thoughts; and see if there is any wicked way in us, and lead us in the way everlasting (Psalm 139:23-24).

— Mart De Haan

I am inclined now to think. Now then, how good and pure are our motives? Do we let our survival instinct get the better of us, and prevent us from being altruistic and all-encompassing? Even if just a taint? Some people with the best of intentions still don't see the light of day anyway. Be horrid and evil, and people talk. Be too kind, and people talk anyway. What's worse, sometimes our conscience doesn't make up for all that gossip and it doesn't pay to be nice. It seems we're guilt-tripped either way.

Can someone then explain to me the unguilty mind?

On another note, I would think that in the example stated above the guy who violated the law felt guilty in that instant when he stepped on the accelerator knowing he was going past the speed limit. However I'm sure he had rationalised that he would be more than willing to pay the fine if caught for speeding with the intention of bringing his wife to the hospital asap. So I guess the unguilty mind is one where we know exactly what we're doing and the consequences we have to pay and yet would still carry it out even if we're found out anyway?

Acknowledgements:
Courtesy of Alvin's blog.

Open heart surgery.

2008-02-29T21:24:00.003+08:00

The heart was there right in front of me, beating furiously. I placed my hand on my chest, right above where my own heart was situated, amazed at just how miraculously hardworking that specialized muscular organ is just beneath this calm exterior, pumping away to keep me going on. It's times like these that I once again stand in awe of the design of the Great Maker, my Creator.

Steady hands with just the right amount of delicacy to its fingers work around performing intricate techniques in the most precise manner. Such were the requirements of being a good cardiac surgeon. The suturing thread was hardly visible to the naked eye. But yet the surgeon worked his way around inserting the graft, pinching just the right amount of tissue on both ends. It was incredible to watch and it made me wonder how much training it must have taken to get that good.

Ps. I wanted to put a picture detailing the CABGs (coronary artery bypass graft surgery) that I witnessed but finally decided not to because the scandal tells me she gets squirmy when she sees blood. And I don't want that to happen, do I? :)

Suzuki Night Market.

2008-02-27T19:11:00.006+08:00

I just got back from a night market, aussie-style. Instead of cupcorns and dragonbeard candy and muahchee, there was Indian, Vietnamese, Ethiopian, Spanish, Dutch and Middle Eastern - basically a unique combination of international food. Kel, Mel, Jon and I stuffed ourselves silly with soooo much food!! We tried some things I've never had before - a crocodile meat burger, dutch pancakes, and a delish chorioz dog. Also had a sinful choc shake and a savoury crepe. Yumm. Am bloated.

Despite the fact that our tummies could contain no more, greedy Mel and I wanted to buy pretty cupcakes but were disappointed to hear that they were all sold out! (I think that it was heaven's will in part to save us from killing our poor tummies through over-inflation though.) On another note, I was wondering if those cupcakes could beat Marmalade Pantry's. One day I'd find out. They definitely look tantilizing though. Why wouldn't a cupcake that looks like it came straight out of Alice in Wonderland be, anyway? I'd almost hesitate biting into it, and not because it looks too good to be eaten, but for fear that I might grow or shrink the moment I sink my teeth into that fairytale delight.

We walked around the stalls too and saw many interesting items on sale. Leather-bound books, individualistic necklaces. Would have grabbed those unique items if not for their exorbitant prices! Nonetheless, I shall go hunt the accessories down when I feel less broke :)

A nice night out with good company. Always cherished. Extremely nice weather too, albeit being slightly chilly toward the end. But all in all, it definitely was a nice end to the Wednesdays that always end at 6pm.

The weeks in Melbourne.

2008-02-24T14:16:00.002+08:00

Lots have changed this time since I got back. Mostly because I'm not stationed in the Uni campus anymore, but am in The Alfred Hospital 24/7. That's a 3 hr train plus tram ride to and fro every day, but thankfully we've got this carpool thing going on. Who knows what the people living in this ulu town known as Clayton will do if not for Kelvin ;p

Then again, being at The Alfred has it's perks. The few of us have been scouring the city for good eats especially to avoid travelling home during the peak hour traffic, and Mel and I have even managed to grab a few good buys while waiting for others to ride back! :) Ahh we're still big city girls in the end, and these small cheers do make the 7am-7pm days in the hospital a wee bit better. Of course, they do burn a hole in our pockets though. So everything in moderation. Hospital life is also different from Uni life in many many ways. For one, nothing's structured - you do whatever you like whenever you like in whichever way you think most benefits your education. I've been opting to be proactive in participating on surgeries and other stuff not scheduled on my timetable, while other times I'm just skiving away because the meeting/ward round seems totally unappealing and a waste of time to attend. Another thing is that you've to dress up. Which is irritating because so many of my clothes have become inappropriate to wear. I've been putting on slightly more formal-looking jackets to hide whatever cotton-looking top I've got on underneath (partly also because of the cold). Which works in a way. But I probably need to start stocking work skirts, more pants and shirt tops.

Been managing to get a fair bit of exercise and doing the usual round of cooking and cleaning and washing, but I must say the long hours I spend in the hospital have taken some toll on how frequent I cook and wash my clothes. Feels almost as if I'm working except that I'm not getting paid. And I thought that 6am days wouldn't start till after my education. I was gravely wrong. But thankfully, the housemate and I cooked just yesterday, along with the bunk-in, Eugene :) This guy and his housemates are having quite a bad time because their rent house's roof fell in! That MUST feel shitty. So anyway THIS kind household has been putting him and Mavis up. Hopefully the roof will be repaired asap! Though I'm very sure Eugene's been having a great time here especially since Kel gave up his bed VERY WILLINGLY to share the bed in the living room with his buddy ;pp

It's been such a long time since I posted pictures of food I shall gladly do so now.

Honey sesame chicken.

Vegetable with salted fish and black bean sauce.

Other than that, I can't wait for Uni to start so I can catch up with the OCFers and the Yr 1s. My distant cousin Dion has come to Monash to study too, but the only thing I remember of him is that he's this cute little boy that I met when I was really really young. Speaking of OCF, a new composition for OCF's 1st CD compilation is on its way too, but I'm running out of inspiration!! Someone impress me with a new tune, please!! Can't wait to get together with Josh and the band to discuss the style and fillers and all!! :)

On the whole, it has been an exciting start to the new year here in Melbourne. Things have been shaky, things can get better, but I'm going to make the best of it. Yes, I will. And study harder, too. Let's watch out for what's to be in store! :))

Just because my blog doesn't have enough pictures :)

2008-02-24T11:38:00.006+08:00

The scrapbooking flower.

My frozen rum and raisin walnut cheesecake terrine :) The only dessert I actually got down to making this summer break.

Parents' Christmas dessert treat! Brother cooked for the very 1st time!

Success!!!

Night cycling :))

------

The great times in Hong Kong with the gfs.

A collage - because there's just too many great photos of the memories we've shared :)

Photos taken on that long train ride home. We were so tired you see us sitting on the floor.

Keynote events of Summer 07/08 :)

2008-02-11T00:47:00.000+08:00

Getting conned by stupid Joshua that he hasn't gotten his driving licence yet.
Dempsey Ben and Jerry's chocolate milkshake. The best chocolate milkshake ever.
Christmas tree up!! Lights a-blinkering at night.
Badminton.
Youth camp.
Baptism class.
My dearest scandal's 'Everyone-finish-dinner-liao-but-I-can-accompany-you-eat-dinner'. Plus that bigwidesmile on her face after to punctuate the offer.
Altar call and the move to step up and pray for others.
Angel-mortal game and my disguising handwriting confusion skills ;p
Thailand trip and the very rich but extremely nice no-airs friends of Daddy's.
Siam Paragon. Coconut products. Floating market. Culture show at Rose Garden. Thai massage. Shemale show. BMK. Chat tu chat. Hunting down good bargains with the brother who has similarly good taste (sweet, that's why can shop well together!).
Doorstep chitchats.
Church, girltalk, speaking words of wisdom and the dark sidelane's rotiprata.
Snapping away with Alvin's camera! :)
Busying with writing lil Christmas notes and wrapping Christmas presents.
My most expensive Christmas buy, specially for the mother.
Christmas Eve's eve at Uncle George's place.
Polarbear conducting and always being the 1st person to get killed (not funny okkkkay!!).
BBQ christmas countdown at the new place.
A Santa effort to deliver presents at midnight on Christmas Day.
Presents under the Christmas tree.
Merry Christmas Darling and Snowflakes of Love.
A turkey-filled week with the family, with my mum's new discovery of making the most tender turkey ever (she injects the turkey with a syringe, no kidding).
Cosy Bay.
A night out on the hammock under the stars.
Meetup with the SAMmies at Anne's really nice Holland Rd hse ;p
2amdessertbar.
Badminton.
Friendship issues.
Yes friendship issues.
The resolution of friendship issues.

Meeting John Becky and Kel for Ding Tai Feng :)
Visiting Claudia at NUH and watching baby Ezekiel sleep.
Salsa.
The meetup.
Sheryl's birthday celebration!! ..consisting of 27 dresses and a whole lot of oxytocin.
Church, mushroom swiss and Starbucks at One Fullerton.
50 laps in the pool.
The fainting episode.
Orgasmic creamy butter crab at Paradise (9 Defu Lane).
Robertson Park.
Made-with-lurving accompanying the bestie.
Thai Express treat :)
ICE SKATING with the ECG!!!
Supper and photo exchange.
Dod.
Running errands, errands and more errands.
Going mad running errands!!
Xueting and Adrienne at Cityhall TCC.
The Chocolate Factory's souffle.
Getting my ear pierced again.
Getting more 'essential stuff'.
Sushi Tei dinner with the family.
T3. And the extremely wild trolley ride :)
Chye tao kway!!!
Early tuan yuan fan with the relatives. Early hongbaos too. Mwahahhaha.
A nice drive with the dad.
The airport scene.
Huggin my gfs and family goodbye. 10 long months it's going to be.

The planeride back to Melbourne.

Her brand new seed.

2008-02-10T01:25:00.000+08:00

Artist// Corrine May
Title// On the Side of Me
Album// Beautiful Seed

I'm not the easiest person to love
I'm often the one who lets things go unresolved
Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me

I'm not too proud of some things
I've done in my life
The skeletons in my closet
Are too big for me to hide

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Blessed charity
You're on the side of me
on the side of me

'Cause everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outside
and there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
but you

I'm not the easiest person to love
But you, you've opened your heart to show me what I'm worth

'Cause you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
What a mystery
You're on the side of me
on the side of me

'Cause everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outside
and there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go

I remember when nobody cared
I remember when nobody cared
Nobody cared
but you

Yeah you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me

Statement of the day.

2008-01-31T05:13:00.000+08:00

She is ready prey to any man who knows how to play adroitly either on her affectionate ardor or her quixotic enthusiasm.

The wild goose chase.

2008-01-23T22:53:00.000+08:00

The wild chye tau kway chase, to put more aptly. Which failed terribly because of a stupid blunder on my part. Stupid stupid STOOOOPID blunder. Will make it up to you guys definitely :)

It was still nice to see Jas, Vek and Trs once again though, probably for the ~~last~~ make that 2nd last time before we head back down under. Because I know we will not give up until we finally put that Seng Kee pancake style fried chye tau kway into our mouths before we all fly off. Rather, they will not let me off until I put that Seng Kee fried chye tao kway into their mouths before they fly off! Haha.

I think I've turned into a foodie. Exploring Singapore for good food and good eats. Not counting calories. Stuffing myself because I finally realise how much I've been missing out on. This is BAAAD.

More meetups to come. The week looks busy. Not to mention a special friend's birthday is tomorrow :) All those January babies!! But just as well. Before I fly off ;p I'd better make it a point to come home for dinners starting from this Sunday. To the Aussie bunch of peeps, have safe trips y'all!

Ps. A haphazard recall of the past 2.5 weeks' happenings starting from after the HK trip bring to mind..

Ice3 with the ECG and Steff and Kerf.

Salsa.

A nice day hanging out with the bestie, meetup with the SAMers, Wii and the pleasant (k)night ride home.

Church and Chompchomp.

Queensway shopping centre with the mum to look for her shoes.

Dad's HoleInOne and the Sushi Tei celebration.

Finding the photoalbum, Queensway (again) and scrapbook completing.

Al Dente Trattoria, which I just found out stands for 'cooked perfectly' - enough to be firm yet not soft (as in pasta) (al dente) and 'unpretentious tavern' (trattoria).

Walking in the rain. Oh and slippery slippers and not finding a grip (refering to both my slippers and my hands ;p).

Heroes.

Dinner at Dickson Rd with Popo and the extended family.

Amoy street market fish soup and orh-nhee.

Meetup with Serene and Rebec the birthday girl!

Pretty angels from Vatican City.

Dad left for Shen Zhen.

Salsa.

Suppering the best beef kway teow in Geylang.

Durian cake, pristine white windbreaker and lightsticks.

Earring-making with the bestie, resulting in squinty eyes.

Night cycling, 'I-think-I-cans', sore butts, majong and the brother's silliest comments ever (now we all know it doesn't take alcohol to get him high, just lack of sleep will do)

Church and Maxwell market.

A good 50-lap swim.

Hong Kong Chun Kee Street fried fish beehoon, fish stir fry kway teow, oat prawns, and prawn sauce chicken.

My first free facial.

Dad's arrival backbackback from his trip, blessed with fine weather.

Shopping.

High tea with the brother and the greatest bonding time!

Mommy's curry chicken and claypot chicken rice, mmm.

Bus stop 67525 at the coldest outdoor spot in Singapore.

Shopping (I have to stop shopping!! And probably stop eating as well)

Okay that's a pretty neat list I've churned out just based on a day by day recollection. It's even in chronological order! Not that haphazard afterall ;p Maybe I can really still blog about Thailand and HK and the festive season when I get back to Australia ;p

So give me reason not to regret.

2008-01-15T08:00:00.000+08:00

I've suddenly gone poetic - or emo, as others put it. It must be the rain (I know that can't be true because I love the rain, but I still need something bigger than me to put the blame on, so there).

Emotions are running amok in a fair embarkation.

Sometimes what you need to hear is not what you already know might happen, despite how probably it may be (and especially if your intuitions are always right, save the few rare ocassions). Sometimes all you need is a comforting word, a silent nod of sorts. Someone to hold your hand while you step out into the darkness, someone to tell you all will be well, someone to believe in that improbable alternate outcome. For few are the people who have that much faith and hope nowadays, even though that trait is endearing. Pessimism and cynicism seems to have taken hold of us all. Until we are forced to look inward for answers to stay true to ourselves. But then what difference is there in that from being alone in this world?

I remember the words of a wise man all too clear. "But if you don't believe in yourself, who will?" But even this wise man would probably agree with me that it gets tiring, too tiring. We all don't want to fight alone. We all don't want to journey alone. We all don't want to live to regret. We all want some reason, no matter how small, to make it all worthwhile.

More GodTube.

2008-01-12T23:39:00.000+08:00

A superb twist to the Mac adverts!!

Psalm 23 as a child knows it.

Quote of the day direct from the mouth of Rachel Goh. "Xin Yi your top (bright yellow) makes your hair look browner today! Like really, it's exuding in colour! (okay, I think the 2nd part of the sentence is a paraphrase)" I had just dyed my hair but apparently bright yellow tops not only have a cheery effect; they also reflect their colour on whoever dons them and makes their hair look more brown. Lol that gal is really cute.

Saw Claudia for the 1st time in a long time today. Really happy to finally get to see this sister after her having such a tough time with her pregnancy. Didn't get to spend much quality time with her though. Hopefully I will again before I leave. Got to feel lil baby Ezekiel kicking in her ~~lil~~ huge tummy though :) Really amazing. Ezekiel even kicked my ear when I lowered my head to hear his heartbeat. Naughty fella!!

Decided to have dinner with my family after church, which my Dad appreciated much. Went to Chomp Chomp for to savour the delicacies for the 1st time, and realised that hawker fare can actually add up to quite alot of money! No wonder hawkers can drive BMWs these days. Bro and I went on a ordering spree, because my Dad allocated us to order food for the whole family. Wonderful :) I got to eat everything I wanted to last me the year in Australia. And my bro actually said that he got so bloated he almost got a sugar high. Is that even possible? ;p

Okay Tjow's actually finally made a point. I realised I really don't blog about events at all once I come back to Singapore. And this time there ARE really significant events which I have left out. Like youth camp, Thailand with the family, Christmas gatherings, my baptism, New Year's Eve, Hong Kong with my friends.. oh my goodness I wouldn't even be able to recount every precious detail if I were to do so now. And those ARE treasured memories for which I engage the written word in order that they may linger but for a second longer. So hmmm I shall start making time to blog! Hopefully I can catch up on what I've left out. If not, there's always the quick-fix of "aptly put-together phrases" method which works for me (though it does leave you readers quite clueless I suppose).

Okay I've spent enough time on cyberspace! It's back to the real world for now. And I'm looking forward to night cycling and Changi Village nasi lemak!! :)

Idealistic?

2008-01-11T03:27:00.000+08:00

Naivety.

A character trait which I've always attached a negative connotation to. But now, I hardly think so. I want to be naive again. I want to know that I'm naive. That despite knowing all that I do now, and being able to compartmentalise my life so well it's almost ugly and hypocritical, I am still naive. Still believing, still giving the benefit of the doubt. Still trusting in the goodness of people and wanting to invest in other's lives.

So don't be mistaken, I'm really just being nice.
Is that too much to ask then, to let me invest in your life?

Mark down this night.

2007-12-28T01:31:00.000+08:00

Issues afloating.

Stardust.

2007-11-30T19:42:00.000+08:00

You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.

Back once again :)

2007-11-29T22:17:00.001+08:00

I must first clarify that if you're only in the know that I'm back in Singapore through this post, it is rather late news. I've been back for a week now actually ;p Am aware of my hiatus, and hence I have lots to tell!! !

But wait. Let's do this in chronological order. Went on a road trip to Strawberry Farm with the meddies after the exams. Handpicked some strawberries to savour, and tasted the best strawberry icecream ever (better than Haagen-Dazs').

Then to Wilson's Prom with the OCFers. Wilson's Prom was fantastic. Azure sky, clear cool blue waters. Heaven.

Inviting, ain't it? Makes one feel like diving in right this instance.

Do you know that Tasmania was once linked to Australia via Wilson's Prom? That was before sea levels started rising.

Manhandled!

A shot from the top.

Last but not least, I've been having much fun catching up in Singapore, but the fun has only just started. Am waiting on my babes to finish their exams before we wreck havoc!! ;p In the meanwhile, I have been hard at work at shaving wood. Yes, literally. Carpentry is hard work, but satisfying. Especially when the end product is your own neat clean shaven desk and cupboards! The previous owners left my built-in furniture in a really lousily maintained state - sticky parts of old stickers and hooks and ash tray marks and scratches and doodles and all, so I felt like I had to get my hands dirty and do something about it. All that sweat involved!! But now at last I can say that it's finally completed.

With this week nearly drawing to a close, I am so looking forward to next week :)

More on.

2007-11-13T14:40:00.000+08:00

It's not like me to harp on a article, but after reading Kerf's comment I must add that it IS indeed true that some of us don't know how to use/ don't use our full brain potential. The journalist who wrote the article was a spectator at the US Memory Contest or something along those lines, and the champion he approached to interview singled him out and took him under his wing. The author willingly accepted the invitation, as part of his quest in participatory journalism. Who would expect that, after a mere 1 year of training, the author ACTUALLY won the contest itself, and proceeded on to the UK to take part in its World Championships. Talk about unleashing our innate potential. Makes us further understand how each one of us COULD achieve something -anything- as long as we put our mind (no pun intended) to it.

As a side thought, this slice of information also made me wonder how much a journalist earns per article published in National Geographic. Should be quite a sum, considering how much effort is put into it. This statement is also based on a past read-up on Dewitt Jones, a photographer for National Geographic. His video was screened for us wide-eyed students both in RG and RJ, and boy was I awestruck each time. But that's elaboration for another post.

On another note, it is a MYTH that we use only 10% of our brains. Apparently advertising companies and self-helps use that just to influence us to buy their products!! And now it all makes sense - their claim isn't unfounded. We did afterall learn that there are 100 billion neurons in our brain, and 10 to 50 times as many glial cells (which support these neurons but which we 'don't use'). So to bring me back my point, my brain really has not enough space to store all the information it is inudated with right now!!! To be more scientifically correct, my neuronal pathways are not forming quick enough and permanently enough.

Ahh I guess this is what happens when you cram too much information at the last minute. Can't wait for the last paper to be over tomorrow!! Looking forward to all the post-exam activities, hopefully NOT with subs standing in the way.

But for now, my little break's over.

Ps. I did a search on Einstein's brain and here's a damn interesting article ;p

http://www.damninteresting.com/?p=207

Me want less sulci in my brain too!

In the archives of the brain, our lives linger or disappear.

2007-11-11T14:18:00.000+08:00

http://magma.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/2007-11/memory/foer-text.html?fs=canyon

Pretty amazing. It's true when they say that tragedies and humiliations seem to be etched most sharply, often with the most unbearable exactitude, while those memories we think we really need—the name of the acquaintance, the time of the appointment, the location of the car keys—have a habit of evaporating. It's frustrating really, most of the time. But here's the deal, at least there's a tradeoff.

"There are good evolutionary reasons why our memories fail us in the specific ways they do. If everything we looked at, smelled, heard, or thought about was immediately filed away in the enormous database that is our long-term memory, we'd be drowning in irrelevant information."

Now that's why remembered birthdays and anniversaries make us feel special. And that's probably how we intrinsically filter out what is important, and later through remembering display what we cherish. And so possibly it's forgetting, not remembering, that makes us essentially human.

Of course, if I could specify to have that newly coined hyperthymestic syndrome specifically for medical knowledge, I would more than jump on it. But for now, I guess I shall live with my imperfect brain and spend more time trudging through my notes, and later scouring through my brain while I'm at my examination desk. Wish me luck!

2007-11-07T15:46:00.000+08:00

It is official.

90% of the doctor you're going to be, you already are.

2007-11-01T21:58:00.000+08:00

Tonight, I just got reminded of this statement again.

You know how we medical students sometimes try to look into the future, and can't imagine how it would be like to bear responsibility over others' lives? Ok if you don't, good for you. You're that handful. But for most of us, sometimes we think about it, and it overwhelms us. Look at all those doctors around performing great and wonderous things. Like doctors without borders. Or even just the 'simplest' task, like delivering bad news. Especially a news such as death, or worse still, impending death. Executed perfectly, it greatly eases the pain of their loved ones. It's not just about impressing others, it's not just about climbing the corporate/medical ladder. It's not just about you. It's about other people and their health. And you know health is the most important thing (reads: should be, but many people aren't living like it is anyway) in people's lives. Riches can't buy you health. A doctor's mistakes can't be corrected by compensation.

And then someone comes up to you and says he knows you can do it. You say you hope so too, you want to. He says, more firmly this time, he KNOWs so. The medical course equips you for it, it teaches you what to do in different situations. But now, you've been training all your life. You have the motivation, you have the desire, you have the heart for others. And that is what it takes. That is the doctor you are going to be.

Wow.

Pygoscelis Papua.

2007-11-01T18:41:00.000+08:00

Take-home message from Good Luck Chuck:
The Gentoo penguin is strictly monogomous. Strictly monogomous.

And this penguin is still pondering about SMSmelbourne.

:)

2007-10-31T20:21:00.000+08:00

For MSN msges, smses and a warm shoulder.

[Grey's Anatomy Season 4 Episode 5] Haunt Us Everyday.

2007-10-29T16:31:00.000+08:00

I Will Show You Love by Kendall Payne
Album// Paper Skin

I will show you love like you've never loved before
I will go the distance and back for more if you just say the word
You will come alive again and call the trying times your friend
The pain that you have suffered through will never get the best of you
You will hope in something real that won't depend on how you feel
When you call my name then I will answer, answer

I am on your side though the wind and waves beat against your faith
You were on my mind when the world was made
Trust in Me my child, trust in Me my child

Walk out on the water where you have no control
So scared to death of failure you sacrifice your soul, please let that go
'Cos you have climbed an uphill road, you have worn a heavy load
You have cried through endless nights and nearly given up the fight
Watched your dreams like falling stars, the heartaches made you who you are
Now looking back you see that I have always been there

Where you gonna hide?
Where you gonna hide from Me?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go that I can't see?

I have heard you cry and it breaks my heart for I love you so
I would never lie, this is not the end there is still a hope

Casting Crowns.

2007-10-28T18:50:00.000+08:00

MTVs that speak lots of meaning.
Here's one to teach us Christians why it's so important never to judge another, and to constantly reach out.

And here's another to teach us never to overlook the people who mean the world to us.

What makes the world go round.

2007-10-17T21:08:00.000+08:00

Put the above title as my nick on MSN, and here's what Trs threw back at me.

Why was the matter that formed the earth spinning? Why does everything in the universe, from galaxies down to atoms, spin?
Wow, what a neat question. I think it is related to the effect that we have seen when a skater who has arms extended and is slowly spinning suddenly pullls the arms into the body surface. The result is that spin rate increases. To even spin faster the skater will be standing straight with the arms up over the head. This makes the distributions of mass as close toe the spin axis as possible and makes the spin as large as possible. The main idea is that angular momentum is conseved ie. cannot change. Angular momentum is the product of the spin rate and the moment of inertia ( a measure of the distribution of the mass about the axis of rotation) The product is constant. If mass is widely dispersedas before condensing into a planet, and is very slowly rotating, then when it condenses into a planet (making a small moment of inertia) the rate of rotation could be large. So condensing amplifies whatever rotation there was initially. Now, what are the chances of something not rotating exactly before it condenses? Apparently, very small since everything seems to have some rotation. I am not sure this gets to your question of why, but it has been a great question to think about.
http://www.newton.dep.anl.gov/askasci/ast99/ast99318.htm

That guy ah.

To know Your Name.

2007-10-16T21:23:00.000+08:00

The precious blood of Jesus Christ redeems
Forgiven I’m alive
Restored set free
Your majesty resides inside of me
Forever I believe
Forever I believe
Arrested by Your truth and righteousness
Your grace has overwhelmed my brokenness
Convicted by Your spirit
Led by Your word
Your love will never fail
Your love will never fail
Cause I know You gave
The world Your only Son for us
To know Your Name
To live within the Saviour's love
And He took my place knowing He’d be crucified
And You loved
You loved
A people undeserving!

Pay it forward.

2007-10-15T22:31:00.000+08:00

It's been a long while since I felt like my existence on Earth is really doing something good for mankind. It's been a long while since this tongue has positively edified someone and stirred a heart with such impact. It's been a long while.

And I'm glad for you.

This girl can now sit back and sip her cup of creamy white cocoa :)

Yes, let her enjoy some peace and quiet before she returns to that pile of assignments waiting to devour her alive.

Celebrations.

2007-10-08T12:02:00.000+08:00

I must admit that this has been the best birthday I've had by far, apart from being the recipient of so many white lies ;p

I received an overwhelming number of smses and phonecalls when the clock struck 12 midnight (in Melbourne and Singapore), much to my surprise :) Thank you ALL for remembering. Especially those who sent me greetings at 12 midnight Melbourne time sharp *wink. The small gesture is MUCH appreciated, for I know it means you've to count down ;p Thanks also to those who emailed, msn-ed etc etc. I somehow only realised just how numerous the forms of communication can be, but each and every greeting is much appreciated! :)

Early in the morning I dragged myself out of bed to supposedly attend a HPKM group meeting. Can't believe I actually fell for that, or the fact that one of my hsemates, Becky, had to leave the house early to meet the Dean. But yes, I did. And was greatly rewarded (so sometimes it pays to be niave? ;p). Kel was walking alongside and I had closed my eyes temporarily to conserve some energy when he suddenly nudged me and signalled that I had missed something. I was puzzled; I didn't drop anything, as far as I knew. However, this little wooden star atop a stick jutting out from some fence caught my eye. Picked it up and hey, a birthday greeting was written on it! Realised that there were lots more along the way, from all my beloved meddie friends. Awww. I felt like Hansel and Gretel picking them all up along the way to school (yesyes even my descriptions must fit the fairytale theme ;p), where the end point was marked with (thankfully not a witch with a boiling cauldron ready to stew me but) the whole group of them standing around a cake singing a little happy birthday song to me.

Star vase.

It was a long day of school right after, but even the OCFers surprised me by celebrating my birthday in front of the whole cohort live band style, and even got me a really exquisite bag. Was so touched. These guys are really like 2nd family to me. Three cheers for my cell group!! Can't wait for our next outing!!!

The fun did not end there though. I came back to a house full of love expressed in multicoloured balloons flooding the floor, blown by the housemates, Mel and Yeo. These guys literally blew their lungs out for me [bear hug]. We camwhored and reluctantly seperated only to meet each other again a few hours later for another whole day of fun. And here, I think I should scribe no more and let pictures do the talking.

Kel displaying his olympic talents at Murray's Lookout.

The Enchanted Maze.

Onward, seagull!

Love makes a house a home.

Beautiful sunset.

Food, glorious food!

I'm on the top of the world :)

And yes, that's about it. All in all, I guess that because I'd already celebrated my birthday, I was less expectant and that made anything anyone did for me these few days even sweeter. Really felt showered with love - the amount of gratitude in my heart much more than I dare express.

A re-post.

2007-10-07T20:28:00.000+08:00

My Melancholic Post.

I like the rain, especially the dawning of rain. Everything about it. The dark and overcast sky with its grey monotone clouds. The cool and refreshing breeze caressing my skin. The melancholy smell of rain. It feels like something out of an 18th century photograph, and I feel brought back in time, if not frozen in time. Everything is disrupted when the rain suddenly approaches. Umbrellas are opened. People start running for shelters, frantically. No one wants to get drenched, especially when they're meeting others. It's irritating. But then a girl stands in the street solitarily, her eyes closed, face raised to the heavens, hands outstretched, really soaking in the rythm and soul of the falling rain. She's lost in time and space. Oblivious to the hustle and bustle, oblivious to the rain soaking to her skin. Her plan has not changed. She wants to be still and calm despite the rain, to be enjoying the rain. She didn't care if people thought she was crazy, if she stood out from the crowd, alone. Someone walks up to her and taps her gently on her shoulder. 'I'll join you', he says. It wasn't a question, it was a statement. That decisiveness caught her, attracted her. She knew she didn't have to, but nonetheless she replied, 'okay'. Even though they had barely known each other, she felt connected to him in a special sort of way. This was someone who, like her, knew how to appreciate things that were different and unexpected. Who was willing and daring enough to come out of his comfort zone to be with her. Who knew that though she looked strong and comfortable being alone, actually longed for someone to spend such moments with. And not just anyone. But him. She looked on as he mimicked her previous stance. 'I never knew this could feel so good', he agreed. 'Being with me?' she teased. 'No, being in the rain', he rebuked with a smile. Soon, they were splashing each other and laughing genuinely, delighting in the rain and each other's presence.

To Singapore and back.

2007-10-03T20:45:00.000+08:00

Haven't been blogging since my one week escapade to Singapore. Shall now attempt to recollect the whole whelm of events as best as my memory serves me.

I remember that as soon as I touched down, I was greeted with a blast of hot air and humidity. But even the dreadful weather could not dampen my spirits, i was SO GLAD to be home. After calling my dad up, I rang up a few church friends from the airport - I was eager to hear their voices once again. They were in the midst of celebrating OCC's anniversary, and urged me to join them. I politely declined, reminding myself that I was here to spend quality time with my family. And so I did. The parents and I had a wonderful night out at Sentosa and Vivo.

Sunday was family day once again, as has always been the tradition. Went shopping around Orchard, and dad brought me to see the prized possession. It looked lovely, but was duper pricey also. Wasn't too sure if I wanted my dad to get it, but nonetheless dear daddy surprised me a few days after with a neat package holding within crisp wrapping gleefully sitting on my desk. Can't express how blessed and thankful I am.

Actually stayed in on Monday to complete my assignment, and have a swim in the evening. Stayed in a bit longer to complete more laps, and felt this wave of tranquility when everyone else had left the pool and the sky had turned dark. It was just perfect, the cool water caressing my skin and the vast revered silence when I plunged my head under water.

Will never forget the Shopping King's stunningly trained eye for accessories and clothes, Wednesday night out at Timbre, as well as the spontaneous 'I'm Yours!' exclamation. Etched even more deeply in my memory would have to be the long 6 hrs of baking with Sheryl. The dear stayed up with me all night despite having school the next morning - just to finish baking and wrapping 80 plus cupcakes and muffins as thank you gifts for the party the next day! It was meant to be a fun affair involving the whole ECG, but things do crop up. And when it boils down to the crux, I'm so glad you stuck. Heart you for all your enthusiasm and support, girl! :))

Must also thank Wan Kheong and Andrew for volunteering to head down to Orchard to retrieve the helium tank I ordered when they knew that my time on Friday was tight, as well as Cheow Yee who came early to help me with setting up the venue. And definitely to Alvin the photographer for photos to invigorate my memory of my most memorable night of the week. His efficiency is remarkable - the photos were all put together and burnt into a CD for me to bring back to Melbourne all in the span of a night!

Had great fun that night with the ECG, Steff, Xueting and Shimin - all of whom came down in lovely bright flowery prints! :) Thanks for all the thoughtful gifts and effort put into it, really loved them alot :)) A shoutout also to the church peeps for being such great guests at the party, despite there not being enough of me to go around and chat proper to each of you. Just wanna let you know that your presence was still much appreciated! And also to the cousins, aunties and uncles - thanks for coming and for the nice catchups with you guys! Its been awhile. Must also especially thank Peiying for your book - realised it applies to me much as a maturing young lady ;p

Less than 24 hours after the party, I was on the plane back to Melbourne. Really appreciate the church peeps for coming down to send me despite me saying that they really did not need to. Felt really sad to see my girlfriends on the brink of tears, but don't you guys worry I'd be coming right back in no time! And to the silly boy, hope things are all cleared now. I just really didn't want to trouble you.

All in all I'm really blessed this trip, with much affection showered. Am so grateful to all the people who made my day, especially the handful who really matter. Will I continue to bless and be blessed in Melbourne? I hope so, with this nagging feeling at the back of my mind telling me 'you lucky pig, definitely so' :) I think I better give even more of myself back. If not it will start to be deemed sinful.

The colourful invites.

You are warmly invited to grace a 21st birthday celebration :)
28 Sept 2007 Friday 6.30 pm
Condominium’s clubhouse
East Meadow 34 Tanah Merah Kechil Road Singapore 465560
The theme is floral inspirations! Come in something bright, sunny and cheery!
It’s going to be a night of fun, food and laughter!
Looking forward to your great company!

A flowery affair.

The church peeps!

My dear cousins who loaned me the venue. Mum, Dad and Han Loong! I really couldn't thank you enough! Especially to mum for the planning!

The playful brother tried to dunk me!

House feed.

2007-09-11T17:19:00.000+08:00

Dr. House: Your guilt. It's perverse, and it makes you a crappy doctor. It also makes you okay at what you do.

Dr. Cuddy: You figure a perverted sense of guilt makes me a good boss?

Dr. House: Now, would the world be a better place if people never felt guilty? Makes sex better. [Pointing to Stacy] Should have seen her in the last months of our relationship. Lot of guilt. Lot of screaming. I know this wasn't just because it was your roof. Cuddy... you see the world as it is, and you see the world as it could be. What you don't see is what everybody else sees: the giant, gaping chasm in between.

Dr. Cuddy: House, I'm not naive. I realize—

Dr. House: If you did, you never would have hired me. You're not happy unless things are just right. Which means two things: you're a good boss, and you'll never be happy. By the way why does everyone think that you and I had sex? Think there could be something to it? [shrugs]

Slip, gone until the dawn's gone with me.

2007-09-09T18:56:00.000+08:00

Dance is a splendid thing. I have always been fascinated with dance. It helps you lose yourself, helps draw you into another world, and provides that adrenaline rush after. Even just watching others dance is pleasing to the eyes, and helps one relax. Every day of our lives should be like a dance, where our body moves in sync with each tune, where our hands and feet ease into position, where our movements are fluid and precise, where our heart beats fervently with zeal and passion.

I'm still a firm believer that everyone can dance. People just need to break free of the inhibition that is stopping them from displaying their inner talent (and by this statement I'm NOT promoting the use of alcohol ;p). I always hope people dance, in all brilliance and splendor, on this stage called life. And such was the theme of OCF's Enight.

Summary of the play/musical

An opportunity jumps at three good friends when their dance teacher announces that they have been entered into a competition where the winner would achieve a scholarship at a prestigious dance school. Training is rigorous and challenging, but not tougher than the other difficulties these three individuals face on the sidelines.

Olivia has a recurring knee injury which threatens her dance career. Cameron is straddling between the world of dance and gaining acceptance from the cool crowd (who happen to think that dance school is old fashioned). Flora on the other hand is falling out with her parents because they do not approve of her passion for dance. Furthermore, as the story progresses the situation is made worse with the hospitalization of her dad.

The crux of the story occurs when Olivia falls dramatically during a dance rehearsal. Olivia’s knee is injured so badly she cannot dance professionally anymore. Flora steps in to take her place on the dance floor causing friction between the two good friends. Cameron comes in late for class, hung-over due to an earlier late night escapade at a club. His flippant attitude toward dance practice causes words to fly between him and Olivia because she feels he is wasting his God-given talent. Lines are being drawn between the three good friends because of their differences.

At this point in time, Olivia seeks solace in a wise old man who has been walking closely to God. He reignites her faith in God and redirects her to hold close what is truly important. Cameron is chided by his conscience and rediscovers himself by losing himself totally in dance. Flora learns through the exemplar of her friends that all hope is not lost, and that the support of her friends can tide her through her roughest times.

The story ends on a positive note, with the three friends uniting as one.

All in all, it was a great night. I've never given/received so many compliments on one occasion. But the greatest glory was God's. Hands were raised, commitments made. The whole journey was worth it. The experience was priceless. Many many thanks go out to the committee, actors, dancers, backstage crew, lighting and sound crew, music team and all who helped out! We've bonded so much over these 2 months, I know I'd miss all the times we had together. Thanks for being so understanding and willing to take instructions, and thanks for bearing with me. I know I might have pulled too strict a face quite a few times. I'm still learning as well! But I'm glad my first time directing worked out fine :)

To all who came to support, thanks so much! I hope you guys got touched in one way or another :)

Note to self:

These 2 weeks have been veryvery packed. I did groceries at a 24 hr Coles past midnight for the very first time, after a rehearsal that ran over time. Managed to surmount enough energy to whip something up after that even, despite my exhaustion.
In these 2 weeks, I have also learnt how to carry out a venepuncture and a breast examination (still wonder how the guys really felt about that ;p)!
We celebrated Kel's birthday manymany times this year :) 1st up was the chinese dinner with a wide selection of dishes cum KTV night. Then we threw a surprise on him at midnight on his actual birthday. Thanks to the coordination with Eugene, everything went according to plan (haha somehow this year surprises have been succeeding so far! very pleased). Kel was game for downing fermented yeast and everyone tucked into nice tiramisu. The next day we housemates made him search for 22 clues around the house to figure out where he was going, before taking him out on a Mount Dandenong Road Trip (count those letters). Mel da gal came along too, providing wondrous company! Pie in the Sky, sunset at Skyhigh and then to Golden Leaf. I think the skies were especially azure that day.
Watched No Reservations with the SAM peeps on tuesday. It was an irony Vek actually made reservations for the movie ;p
Steff said I was uniquely stupid, then said I should cherish the statement because half a complement ('unique') was better than none. Lol. Found it so cutesy and sweetish. That girl really cracks me up.
Kerf did something silly that I will never forget. But don't worry practice makes perfect ;pp
The more I think about my Mum's package, the more I realise how thoughtful it actually is. The chrysanthemum came at the right time, for I was feeling the strain from shouting through half of friday afternoon. Haven't gotten down to boiling it though. And the hightech Tupperware just so I don't use lousy quality plastic to microwave. I feel your love, Mummy dearest. So glad I'm coming back in 2 weeks!

More than meets the eye.

2007-08-24T00:04:00.000+08:00

Hectic days these are. NDP celebrations went well, with an unexpected turnup of 80 people. Which got us into quite a frenzy because we only catered for 50. Somehow people are more patriotic these days - patriotic for food ;p

Then there was the long awaited Phantom of the Opera. It was sooooo BRILLIANT, everyone's raving about watching it again. The understudy of Christine sang on the night I went to watch the musical, but her singing was breathtaking nonetheless. I knew the whole plot by heart, yet the musical surprised me at every turn, taking me on a whole new and exhillarating journey. Advanced stage theatrics, elaborate props, intricately sequined costumes, the whole lot. Remember the scene where the chandelier dropped from the ceiling? The chandelier of the theatre really came down on the audience and swung forth to crash on the stage! More than unexpected.

Then came the SAM AGM. Was amusing, to say the least. I've finally stepped down, though it doesn't feel quite right because there's no one to succeed me as of yet. It also doesn't feel quite right because I'm going to miss the ex-exco!! Vek, you better call a ~~meeting~~ meetup soon so I won't suffer from withdrawal symptoms! To the new committee, CONGRATs! :) Feel free to approach if you need help, I won't bite :)

Marching onward, OCF's drama production!!

Post-exam.

2007-08-22T23:28:00.000+08:00

Finally watched transformers, yay!

Bubbly by Colbie Caillat.

2007-08-22T22:59:00.000+08:00

Good soulful music strong on vocals and acoustics. Rather like Norah Jones, don't you think?

I've been awake for a while now
You make me feel like a child now
'Cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tinglies in a silly place

It starts in my toes
Makes me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

The rain is falling on my window pane
But we are hiding in a safer place
Under covers staying safe and warm
You give me feelings that I adore

It starts in my toes
Make me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goesI always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

What am I going to say
When you make me feel this way
I just mmmmm

And it starts in my toes
Makes me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

I've been asleep for a while now
You tuck me in just like a child now
'Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth
And it stats in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
The feeling shows
'Cause you make me smile baby
Just take your time now
Holdin' me tight

Wherever wherever wherever you go
Wherever wherever wherever you go

Wherever you go
I always know
'Cause you make me smile
Even just for a while

All the things

2007-08-15T23:34:00.000+08:00

I wanted to comment about but just couldn't/didn't. Thus, I'm going to just put short snippets for a gist of what's been going on around me.

A parody on THE saga (when Alvin gave me this link, it wasn't outdated - yesyes that's how far back I date). http://www.mrbrownshow.com/2007/07/16/the-mrbrown-show-swordsman/

A biased review on Singapore's rather intelligent government. http://www.theage.com.au/news/opinion/eaten-by-singapore/2007/07/21/1184560106866.html

Find out how stereoscopic 3D films are perceived by our eyes! http://www.siggraph.org/publications/newsletter/volume-40-number-1/makingitreal/

And

More amazing grace. LeAnn Rime's vocals are sensational here. Now this is what I call tasteful.

Happy 42nd Birthday Singapore!

2007-08-09T11:50:00.000+08:00

Caught everyone (except a few unenthu people tsktsk) wearing red and white today :) Jas and I significantly brightened up our whole clinical skills tute.

Will be catching the 1st Parade by the Bay via streaming online. Can't wait. I remember how my brother and I used to rush out to the window for the fireworks when we were really little (when the celebrations were at Kallang). Or how our dad piggyback-ed us so we could see better. Or how I was dancing for the pre-parade celebrations and had to attend all those exhausting practices three times a week for months on end. Or how I was ushering in the 2005 NDP and watched fireworks every single week, never getting sick of them. Learnt the dance moves for Reach Out for the Skies by the end of it all and danced like mad during the post-party with all the SMU peeps. Not to mention I witnessed the kiasu-ness of Singaporeans firsthand too (now that was pretty amusing, and the company I had were bitching about it big time).

SAM will be celebrating the NDP a week late just so we'd have the entire parade on VCD. Check the party out at http://sam.monashclubs.org!

Of tuesdays and random musings.

2007-08-07T16:36:00.000+08:00

Did some random reading. Drifted from Piaget's stages of cognitive development to Kolhberg's stages of moral development, somehow. And then to the categorical imperative.

"Act only according to that maxim whereby you can at the same time will that it should become a universal law." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Immanuel_Kant

And then on to modern day deontologists like Frances Kamm. His Principle of Permissible Harm is quite interesting - it is an effort to distinguishing between killing and letting die. The Principle states that one may harm in order to save more if and only if the harm is an effect or an aspect of the greater good itself. For instance, Kamm argues that we believe it would be impermissible to kill one person to harvest his organs in order to save the lives of 5 others. Yet we think it is morally permissible to divert a runaway trolley that would kill 5 innocent and immobile people onto a side track where 1 innocent and immobile person will be killed. In the end, it is supposed to address what Kamm feels are most people's considered case judgments, many of which involve deontological intuitions. http://ndpr.nd.edu/review.cfm?id=9763

After reading from the link you'd realise that the lines are still very blur. Killing versus letting die? Sounds like the euthanaesia dilemma to me all over again. So.. let's move away from that.

Was meant to blog about my tuesday at CPP. Had quite a fun (and importantly, short!!) day at CPP just today visiting Playgroups and Childcare Centres. Spent some time interacting with the kids and their mums, gaining some inside information on how these groups operate and what the parents get out of it (yes, it's not all about the kid!). The kids were so cute and positioned in the midst of their wonderfully primary coloured toys (great background) or out having fun in the sun in the sandboxes or on the swings, and kept staring indiscriminately (such that it was real easy to capture) at me with such wide eyed innocence that I gravely regretted not bringing my camera!!! Damn. Don't think I'd get another chance at visiting playgroups.

Ps. :) Cheer up, girl! Everything will work out in the end. Your sincerity and how much you value the frienship will definitely move your friend back into an even deeper friendship with you! There's nothing a strong deep friendship can't withstand, isn't that right? :)

PPs. To the girl who's leaving for Perth, take care of yourself k? Don't fret. I KNOW you'd make great friends anywhere you go, because you naturally ARE that great friend to others first. Don't know what God put into your genes, but it's definitely something anyone would kill to have (lol, that doesn't sound very friendly ;p). Haha. Jokes aside, you've come a long way. And I know it's not genes, God has used all those trying circumstances to mould you into something SO beautiful (the most beautiful part of which is the fact that you are oblivious to the big impact your small gestures make). You have been waiting around for answers, now it's time to head out to fulfil your dreams! Go girl! And God bless :)

Randomized control trial.

2007-08-06T22:57:00.000+08:00

I'm doing a randomized control trial on myself :) This is the 1st of the lot. I will leave my blog open the whole day (Author's note: It ended up being a few whole days, not just a certain day.) at it's 'Create Post' section, and see what random stuff I would churned out. Yes I shall.

Read up about the Game Theory (especially the non-zero sum games exemplified by the iterated Prisoner's Dilemma) again in the midst of printing this week's notes out (yes one week too late, but nonetheless). First knew about it after A Beautiful Mind, but just concluded that I'm going to deem it a screwed theory. I mean, which other theory would infer that we should be altruistic for our own selfish ends?!

New hit by Avril. I love the scene where the old man mouths the words 'I miss you'. Damn touching.

I just noticed my friend's nick. 'The closer you get to light, the greater your shadows become.' How true. I still remember a sermon from the past where the pastor preached about being aware of increased spiritual attacks when we try to draw near to God or do His will, because they do happen and we should not let fear overtake or discourage us.

Mummy's going to be so proud of me. I've got a new vege dish up my sleeves and am going to invite the lot over for dinner (trs is going to be on seventh heaven) to try it out. The base of pumpkin and tomatoes is delish, 1st tried it at potluck (Author's note: Already had them over for dinner, where I learnt from trs that salt enhances natural taste. I protest! Add salt = not natural taste anymore!). Other than that, it's really a no-brainer to prepare.

Kel says I always give him the saikang jobs. But he can't blame me because he's always standing there observing while I work. So I get immunity, end of story. Yay to me ;pp

Had a really nice chat with my brother last night. Like reallyreally nice. The brother stopped studying to chat to me (excuses, but nonetheless). And I found out that he keeps all his movie ticket stubs. Awww, so sentimental. I also found out that we keep discovering nice new songs at the same time its all tooo coincidental!! Last time we used to like the same songs - but that was because we'd have had similar exposure and all. Now, my goodness. The song isn't even a chart topper yet. And yet it caught his eye while he was watching MTV, so much so he recorded it into his handphone. While here I was in Australia straining my ears to hear the lyrics in the noisy MUISS lounge, and then proceeding to hunt it down on Google.

We also somehow talked about quantum physics and potential balances, heh. Never can we stop ourselves from discussing work - bad habit. It was quite funny when he suddenly exclaimed, 'Eh why are we talking about this?! Change topic!' But afterall, we did talk about almost everything. Including superb shows like Prestige and Minority Report, our alltime favourites. I must catch National Geographic's Hollywood Science. Sounds cool. Grr, I'm suffering from withdrawal. I'm missing all my National Geographic and Discovery Channel programmes!!

Talked about the 7 Wonders of the World too. Apparently the list has been revisited and revised. And hence I checked it up.

Apparently the Sydney Opera House missed out as one of the 7 Wonders. Beautiful pictures await if you click the 'check out the winners and losers' link :)http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,22037554-2,00.html?from=public_rss?CMP=KNC-google

Here is a complete list of the ancient, natural and modern wonders. I don't think it's updated though. http://wonderclub.com/AllWorldWonders.html

Happy birthday Daddy dearest!

2007-08-04T19:48:00.000+08:00

Wish I were in Singapore too, to celebrate this joyous ocassion with you.
Lots of love from down under :))

Ps. Glad you received my parcel in time! :)

Amazing Grace.

2007-08-04T18:11:00.000+08:00

Caught the movie today after its release here in Australia on the 26th of July. Urge everyone I know to go watch it! It's so inspiring and lifting. Definitely exceeded my expectations for a film based on a true story, ensuing to stick to the pages of history and deliver the poignant message. I'm sure many of you will agree that nowadays it is indeed rare to find a historic movie long on accuracy and short on titillation.

Catch the movie trailer right here.

Now halt right here for those who haven't caught the show. The rest can proceed :)

After you've been touched and aroused by the truths delivered in succinct sentences throughout the movie, you may want to continue reading. The 1st link is extremely good.

Focusing on John Newton's (a former-slave-trader-turned-clergyman known today as the author of the hymn "Amazing Grace") letter to William Wilberforce when he was on the verge of giving up: http://www.christianitytoday.com/ch/2007/001/1.40.html

Just as Esther had been put in the palace of King Xerxes "for such a time as this," Newton wrote, "one may not be able to calculate all of the advantages that may result from your service in public life. The example, and even the presence of a consistent character, may have a powerful, though unobserved, effect upon others. You are in a place where many know Him not, and can show them the genuine fruits of the religion you are known to profess."

http://www.christianitytoday.com/history/special/131christians/wilberforce.html

The official website is at http://amazinggracemovie.com/.

Some exchanges I will never forget (apart from those already in the trailer).

Richard the Butler: You found God, sir?
William Wilberforce: I think He found me.
Richard the Butler: It is indeed sad to be known to all but unknown to yourself.
Pitt the Younger: Why is it you only feel the thorns when you stop running?
William Wilberforce: Is that some sort of heavy metaphorical advice?
William Wilberforce: No one of our age has ever taken power.
Pitt the Younger: Which is why we're too young to realize certain things are impossible. Which is why we will do them anyway.
Barbara Wilberforce: You still have passion! That matters more!

And yet after all that, the show is still holds virtue to being a work of quality art. Dancing between powerful public speeches to luscious private moments: the Prime Minister and his best-friend MP racing barefoot through the garden; the beautiful red-headed Barbara Spooner (played by Romola Garai) snorting into her dinner because of a private joke about botany; John Newton (Albert Finney) wearing sackcloth as he mops the stone floor of his very chilly- and Medieval-looking chapel. Suffering is not held at bay; the stench and sweat and death of slavery ripple painfully underneath at all times.

Ahh, I think there'd be no end to my recount. Shall just get the DVD when it's out! :)

Obedience.

2007-08-01T00:04:00.000+08:00

Our lord never insists on having authority over us. He never says, "You will submit to me." No, he leaves us perfectly free to choose. But once His life has been created in me through His redemption, I instantly recognize His right to absolute authority over me. It is a complete and effective domination, in which I acknowledge that He is worthy (Rev 4:11). It is simply the unworthiness within me that refuses to bow down or to submit to one who is worthy. When I meet someone who is more holy than myself, and I don't recognize his worthiness nor obey his instructions for me, it is a sign of my own unworthiness being revealed. God teaches us by using these people who are a little better than we are; not better intellectually, but more holy.

God never insists on obedience, but when we truly see Him we will instantly obey Him. Obedience is only possible between people who are equals in their relationship to each other; like the relationship between father and son, not that between master and servant. Jesus showed this relationship by saying, "I and My Father are one" (John 10:30) "...though He was a Son, yet He learned obedience by the things which He suffered" (Heb 5:8). The Son was obedient as our Redeemer, because He was the Son, not in order to become God's Son.

The bao4zha4 post.

2007-07-31T20:08:00.000+08:00

Have been digesting quite a fair bit of events recently, and so it's time for some regurgitation.

Monday, unspeakable event number 1.

Played badminton with Mel, Ling, Yeo, Beh, Kel, Kerf and Becky on Tuesday. Didn't exert much UNTIL I played 1 on 1 with Becky for a mere 15 mins. Next time I know already, want to work out - rally with Becky.

Had school from 8 in the morning on Wed, played 3.5 hrs of netball after school (damn fun! and GREAT company. must organise again!), got home to bathe and have dinner, then completed the OCF script and hopped right out to start filming the publicity video with the rest of the company. Got back at around midnight. That was a reallyreaaally tiring day.

Thursday was good with only 2 hours of school (or rather, I made it 2 hours of school by doing some ponning). Went to deliver my gratitudes to Linda Yang, ask about our stolen bin (yes some bugger stole my house's garbage bin, how unethical! we've been sneaking around depositing our garbage in other people's bins ever since!) and realised it was pretty late for SAM meeting. Had to rush down, and got dismissed for the Rod Andrew Oration (a Craig-orientated oration which, to my surprise, was pretty insightful this time), and then headed down to the badminton halls (again) to catch up with some SAM people.

I think I'm not even processing whatever I'm typing now. Had so much to blog about, but it just Disapparated the moment I clicked on 'new post'. Oh well.

Oh did I forget to mention, I'm reading Harry Potter? :)

Author's edits:

Saturday, came the unspeakable event number 2 of the week. Went out grocery shopping and then it was a girly night out with Melissa who came down from Perth! This is probably the 2nd time I'm meeting her but we somehow always chat like longlost friends. Some chemistry, that certainly is.

On Sunday, Chloe and Huwee joined us at church.

Monday!! Days could not get busier or more eventful than this. School started at 8am and ran all the way till 5pm, with me indulging in MCF during the 2-hr break I had in between. SAM had a booth selling bundung, fishballs and corn in a cup. I think we did pretty well, managing a near sellout!! (apart from some leftover bundung which the thirsty mcf committee gratefully gulped down) Got to know many new people as well, particularly those on the mcf committee :) Then it was down to the muiss lounge again to get a quick nap, but unfortunately (just this time, when I needed it most) it was really rowdy in there. Talked to some more new ppl, and went down to the lawns to play with the Hit-the-Bell machine (you know the one you have at carnivals with the huge heavy hammer and a loud sounding Bell?). Yeah, THAT one. I think I practically vented all my week's frustration while at it. But then again, I couldn't have. I only got 55 (which I thought wasn't too bad as a numeric score ;p). Headed down to the Cellar Room for Global Friendship Night, where I conducted some icebreakers for them. Then, I trudged down to Richardson Hall (ahhh, what sweet memories) to hold the Drama Rehearsal in its Meeting Room. But I emerged rather fresh though, for I was pleased at the turnup and the quality of our 1st runthrough. Got home to a nice warm splendid sumptuous dinner. The crux, and finale of the day :)

AND, I finished Harry Potter (bro! can I spoil it for you? HARRY DIED ;p)

Things I commit myself to.

2007-07-21T00:24:00.000+08:00

OCF's e-night. Coming up in 1.5 months.

It's going to be a big event, I hope. Rather, I pray. For BIG in this sense is not measured by how well we execute the whole program, or how many people do turn up, but whether the Lord's presence was felt in the place. Whether hearts were moved, whether lives were changed. And I for one know that that is hardly achievable by human means. We as mere mortals can only do so much.

I concluded that I must up my spiritual life - I am determined to once again. I need to increase the time devoted to preparing myself and burdening myself for His people. He must increase, while I decrease.

Celebrate!

2007-07-11T22:48:00.000+08:00

T'was Becky's birthday today and so we woke the birthday girl with a bright sunny note and melodious tones (plus a brainwrecking hangman to boot ;p) and brought the birthday girl out :) Had timsum at Dragonboat, where we surprised the girl with a Tiramisu cake made personally by Kerf, and then headed off to our prebooked Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix movie! Hmm, you should have seen the girl's eyes when she saw the cake and company :) One's eyes cannot get any bigger - and thats because her eyes are already very big to start with :)) All in all it was a really fun day! I guess it should have eased her homesickness, and made the Harry Potter fan very content :)

After Harry Potter, we adjourned to Trs' house for a nice homecooked meal of prawns, veggies and lotus root soup. Very very delish :) All credit goes out to Trs (and the LeeKumKee tomato and garlic sauce of course ;p). Very thankful for friends like these who make my life less monotonous and more nutritious :) But now I think (No wait, KNOW. Eh no, WAIT. KEEP GETTING REMINDED THAT ;p) I owe him 3 meals. Ahh, no matter :) After dinner we got to try our hands on the Wii, at last (after hearing Jas talk so much about it). Was really fun!

Playing the Wii. Tsktsk. That girl is violent. Perpetrators, beware!

Britain's got talent-ed kids!!

2007-07-09T00:34:00.000+08:00

Some people claim that I have a thing for younger guys (much younger in this case), but this time I won't deny it. You've got to admit this one does have the charms though.

This pair of salsa dancers are soooo good, despite their young age! I just want to be as good as the lil' girl.

On another note, I caught part of the Wimbledon finals. Federer won, again :) And that's fine with me because I was rooting for him. Another gold medal to add to his repertoire, making that a total of 5 consecutive wins in a row. I must say that's pretty damn good.

The quaint old.

2007-07-07T23:53:00.000+08:00

Check out this really funny clip! I think it's from an old comedy called 'A Bit of Fry and Laurie'.

Unfathomable kindness.

2007-07-06T19:59:00.000+08:00

I did something really stupid today. I locked myself out.

Intended to go out for a short while to get some essential groceries, hence I picked up my bag and left the house in a jiffy, not realising that my keys AND my handphone wasn't in the bag (my keys usually are, which is why I usually don't check). Came back all happy, ready to cook some herbal chicken for dinner when (horror of all horrors) I. Realised. The. Keys. Weren't. In. My. Bag.

Pure panic. Brain working in overdrive.

I don't purposefully remember numbers. Especially not melbourne phonelines because they have even more numbers than Singapore lines. Which is bad when you don't have your handphone and need to make a call to get help. It was 530pm when I left the supermarket. Raywhite (the real estate agent whom I rented the house from) was closed when I passed it. No wait, I remembered that their lights were still turned on, even though it was after hours. I threw down my groceries and decided (impulsively) to run there, hoping to catch someone. I had to get to civilization/Clayton town anyway, in order to make calls.

Through the blinds, I saw a lady in one of the backrooms still working at the computer. I tried knocking on the door - no response. Went to the side windows to try to get her attention. Thankfully, she did look up after awhile. She came to the door, refusing to open up at 1st. Her command of English wasn't that good; she preferred for me to converse with her in Chinese. I explained to her my situation, and she said she'd try to get one of the agents while I waited outside. Unfortunately, none of them picked up. They probably want to leave work behind once it's after hours anyway. She finally let me in, seeing how dire my situation was. I later got to know her as Linda Yang.

We sat down at the desk and continued punching in numbers. She explained that she was in the sales department (and even then new at that) and thus didn't have the key to the safe which held all the spare keys for the houses they rented out. We finally got through to one of the agents (the one in charge of my house, no less) who brusquely told us she couldn't help us and that I had to get a locksmith. Okay, so now. Down that path to contact the locksmith. No answer. Shop was also closed for the night. She lamented that I may have to find somewhere to stay for the night (and here I dreaded barging in on Jas and Kerf again), and return in the morning to get my hands on one of the agents.

Then a brilliant idea clicked. What about the landlord? Surely he would have a spare key. She went to find my files for the landlord's number (I had this uneasiness that if they found out she did that, her job might be at stake - hence you cannot imagine how grateful I was). We tracked the landlord down and called him up. He said he did indeed have a spare key and that I could go retrieve it from him. Thank goodness. I got his address, and was all eager to make my way there.

Then Linda pulled another unexplicably kind gesture. She offered to send me there because she was worried for my safety, since it was already dark. I was lost for words, having already taken up so much of her time and all. But she gently willed me along, ushering me to her car.

We ended up having a really nice chat as we journeyed. I queried about her background, and found out that she was from Vietnam while her parents from China. They migrated to Australia to escape the harsh communist rule that demanded they give up all that they had to the government. She had been raising her 2 kids singlehandedly for the past 20 years (yes, we were still conversing in Chinese). She also mentioned random things like how my birthday was 1 day after her son's (she glimpsed the rent record while searching for the landlord's number) and that I was about the same age as her daughter. As much as she displayed her admiration for me for studying medicine so far away from home, I knew that there was so much more admirable qualities (undeniably, her kindness) about her, and told her so. As we collected the keys and bid farewell, I was immensely grateful to tears, and I could see she was welling up as well. Maybe it was the familiarity because we had the same roots, maybe it was my similarity to her kids, maybe it was the joy of helping another, or maybe a mixture of all three - it doesn't really matter. I knew her heart was touched as well.

They say we find love and selflessness in the most dire of situations, and I add, at the most dire times too. But for that to happen, we've to 1st be in that dire situation (in this case, self inflicted deep shit). Today, though I curse and swear at myself for forgetting my housekeys, I'm thankful for the reminder - of what it feels like when things spin out of control, of what it feels like to be dependent and in desperate need of help, of what it feels like when only a single soul is willing to help, and of what it feels like to be truly thankful and grateful.