29.6.05
a very outdated post.
haha i couldnt think of anything to blog recently.. so i decided to blog about last fri which i dun noe why i din blog about. went to adriennes hse in marsiling... which is so far from civilization!! took about 1.5 hrs to get there. but i was really glad i had xueting for company on the mrt. so much to catch up i thot we missed the stop. adrienne prepared lunch for us. i think i shld be the one preparing lunch for them since i'm the only one in the clique probably gg overseas to study still hence i shld polish up on my cooking. hmmm... polish up sounds as tho i already noe how to cook. so wrong vocab use there. anw adrienne ur hokkien mee is really not bad.. u shldnt say u're terrorizing ur family wif ur bad cooking la =) my parents would be so glad if i could cook at all i think. heh looks like i've got alot to learn if i go overseas... or if i get married. ahh or mayb i'll jus ask my husband to cook. eh tt wun work too cos i would hav to do the dishes then.
anw after lunch... we played some daidee and bridge... wah havent played bridge for so long... hard to find khakis.. =) xueting picked it up very fast... and regina was really stoned... partner reveal already still dunno!! but anw... i had a really great time laughing inside (ahhh cos bridge must be very subtle one...) and laughing hysterically out loud. ohh and esp when we played majong, time flew. like really grew wings and flew. i guess it must be because we were talking so much about our sec2 classmates. i realised how much i've lost contact wif them. and how much i miss them. and how concerned i am about how they're doing now. its jus so interesting hearing about their lives again from u guys.. so i better not lose touch wif u, this bunch of really lovely sec2 cliques. reminiscing about our sec1n2 days was really great. we reflect on how childish we were. we laugh. we reflect on the tough times we went through together. we smile. we reflect on how much we've grown. we beam.
i fluttered by;
10:30 PM
22.6.05
dark angel
Hand me back my halo
Repair each broken wing
Redeem the graceful words
This angel longs to sing
Uncry the tears I've cried
Brighten my sky from grey
Put some hope beneath my wings
And I'll gladly fly away
Unstitch the smile I've sown
Make a face of pure perfection
A gentle mind and thoughts
With joy in each reflection
No burning crimson tides
No craving for the knife
No voices cursing silently
'A pathetic worthless life'
Reason my existence
A reason just for me
I'm searching with blind eyes
That's why I just can't see
The light too far to reach
Temptation way too strong
This angel's falling slowly
But I know I'm often wrong
So regenerate my faith
Put sight behind each eye
Mend this broken angel
And gracefully I'll fly
-poem by dark angel
i fluttered by;
11:56 PM
19.6.05
fathers day
had quite a fun time today. i'm glad my bro din go movie with the lamedh 4 actually ;p cos my whole family did have some quality time together. we went swimming. swam and talked. swam and did stupid stuff. like water wrestling. face each other, hold hands, then kick like xiao. i sure lost to my bro. cannot la. gals physique cmi. last time i still could win him in swimming. b4 all that puberty. now...dun need to say already. oh but something really funny happened. we were competing who could hold his or her breath longer. so down we went. i was concentrating real hard and not moving an inch. until i decided to look at my bro. wah. i saw his constipated looking face, i couldnt help but laugh. gurgle gurgle gurgle. he couldnt stop laughing too.. but all the while we were still under water and still trying to hold out. super funny. i won by a mere second in the end =) after swimming we washed up and went for dinner at this really superb seafood place. ate snow crab. heavenly. imagine crab tasting 3x sweeter and 3x softer, the white shell really easy to crack, and the legs filled with as much meat as a normal crabs claw. thats how snow crab is. its ex too tho. so this was a rare treat. my dad paid for dinner. heh i would have been wiped clean i think. but anw i told him 'daddy i noe u like paying (actually he really does), so today we make u happy by letting u pay'. haha, how thick skinned.
so thats the end of a happy day. cos i'm not supposed to blog sad stuff. haha. ok i think only i find that funny. it does work tho. jus dun dwell. dwelling makes it worse.
ps. i've got an extra happy news! i did extremely well for my isats... i'm ranked at the 100th percentile for both the quantitative and critical reasoning components. thats way better than i expected. i mean.. it means that i'm one of the best?! whoa!!! thanks to all who prayed for me. =) last obstacle: the interviews.
i fluttered by;
11:44 PM
i think the timing of our youth cell outing is very appropriate this year. 1stly it was cos it made up for the lack of 'fellowship' during the church camp. and later on as i found out from deb, it also made those ppl who din go for church camp feel less left out. attendance was good.. i think it was the highest ever for a combined cell outing. probably cos our youth is growing too. had loads of fun. esp during the last burst of spontaneity where we played catching. as i said, how often do we get to be so childish again?! i personally want it to stay like that. no strained r/s. no restraints cos we think that "we're too old for that". things are so much simpler and happier this way.
i fluttered by;
2:43 PM
16.6.05
church camp and its aftermath.
whoa.
yes, whoa. the one word that, even in its magnimity, cant summarize the whole church camp. this church camp has been a real roller coaster ride. comparable to Xtreme. fast speeds, quick turns, high drops, 360 degree loops. leaving u with an ambivalent feeling of trill and fear. i'm somehow at a lost for words. i can tell u that theres so many things gg through my mind, i jus do not know where to start. i shall jus say for now that theres much to be learnt from everything that happened at camp, as well as the things that are still happening now.
i fluttered by;
11:01 PM
11.6.05
so many things to say.
i've so many things to say.. let me go in chronological order. in no particular order of importance.
fathers day item prac was funn. laughed alot, sang alot(even tho my throat still hurt), and directed alot. the musical is really starting to shape up. keep it up u guys! we will indeed put up a great act if we dun lose steam!
during service, i wanted to sing the 2nd worship song titled "A Year Of Breakthrough", but i realised i couldn't bring myself to sing the part where it said ' i believe, i believe, it is now'. the Lord impressed upon me that if i did, i wouldn't be true to myself. do i really believe it is now? do the people around me really believe it is NOW? if we do, then are we sure we're acting on our belief? are we sure we're prepared for it? all these thoughts swirled through my head. i jus pray that. whatever we say/sing, we will mean.
mcee-ing was a headache again. i tell u. i dread mcee-ing. has been, will be. i dun think i'm afraid to do it. i jus dread it. i dun like to be the centre of attention. and i jus dun like speaking infront of a crowd. even directing for fathers day is not as bad. cos i'm doing something that i like. as long as its something that i like. i sure dun like telling ppl about upcoming events and wat nots.
oh n did i tell u. i suck at remembering names. faces are fine. names are not. hence linking names to faces is not fine. i'd rather u ask me to point out a particular person in a crowd whom i've seen 10 days ago doing such a thing on such an occasion anytime. that would be my kind of heaven. i think u get my point.
halfway during service, my eye hurt and one side of my contacts dropped out. so i was half blind. i felt too lazy to put it back. they were one day disposables anw. so i jus watched it dry up and shrivel. cute. i wanna dry up and shrivel too.
and deb... i looove u so. u din have to be so sorry for jus about everything. i'm not very used to ppl apologizing for such stuff; really minor stuff to me. its toooo nice. and i'm too undeserving.
ps. if u wanna know how else my day was like....drop me a ring!!! i dun like relaying my experiences through a blog actually, i realised. even if this way.. it will reach the masses.
i fluttered by;
9:45 PM
9.6.05
very sick.
dunno how i got sick. i have several theories tho.
- caught dad's virus. he was sick one day b4 me.
- mum bought alot of bak gwa. its been a long time since i last ate bak gwa. so i ate alot. then again, bro ate alot too.
had the International Students Admission Test in this really cold room. and i had to sit put for 3 hrs in that room. it was raining outside too. i wasnt the only one sniffing. the sniffs seemed to form a symphony. very rhythmical, in different pitches. if u noe what i mean. heh, but after the ISAT test yesterday, i caught mr and mrs smith. it was a great show. action-packed, yet comical. i feel they should change the part before the last scene tho. that part just lifted my heart so high, and let it fall. too anti climax. makes you feel as tho the movie should have been longer. after the movie i was feeling too sick to go for class outing tho, my nose was running all over the place and i kept sneezing rackets. took an mrt back and i bet i looked very sick cos ppl started staring at me. like they were afraid i had sars or smth.
once i get sick. everything comes. fever, flu, pain throat, cough. and i feel really really sick. like weak in the legs. sleep-the-whole-day kind of sick. din even feel like going to the doc. but my temp got too high. 38.1 C. and my normal is usually 36.5 C or less. the sars period proves very useful in getting one to know such details. and its very low body temp, i know. i'm cold blooded la.
i really thank all the ppl who have been asking if i'm well tho. its times like these when u feeel looved... even more so than usual.
i fluttered by;
6:30 PM
6.6.05
the battle between nus and smu.
i really think that nus business school is out to 'snatch' people from smu. i mean..since when did nus start advertising for its business school?! n i got a letter from them recently saying that i was given a study award of 3k per year, meaning that i would only have to pay 2k plus worth of school fees a year (which is reeeallly cheap for tertiary education). the best thing, i did not even apply for any award or scholarship at nus!!! nobody gives you an award without you even applying for it. so i concluded that this was an evil scheme to deter me from my acceptance of smu. and of course i'm not falling for it.. hello i've got a double degree study at smu. unless u tell me that if i accept nus business i would be able to get into nus med. but then again that wouldnt make sense.
i fluttered by;
8:34 PM
2.6.05
medicine and me.
'if getting into medicine makes us both so angry, i rather not try at all!'
its just so wierd. everything about medicine seems so wrong at this point of time. the fact that i've tried my best. the fact that i have to go overseas. and MAINLY the fact that me and my dad keep quarrelling over the applications. this is the 1st time he has shouted at me day after day. i know that he is even more anxious than me, and has put in alot of effort to get the help of agents who would 'take care of me' as i proceed with my applications. but he was overseas when i applied and i did follow the instructions he left for me, only that my decisions were involved and the outcome is not what he wanted. he shouted at me through the phone, through the long-distance call. more shouting when he came home. i broke down. my mum tried assuring and comforting me saying, 'you do it your way'. i tried to smile. i'm just so tired. tired of trying.
but i must not give up. i must not let defeat set in. yet.
you know what, i want to believe that.
i fluttered by;
11:40 PM
star wars, i rate you 3 stars.
i've just watched star wars 2 hrs ago. my ratings: brilliant special effects, (then again all special effects are brilliant nowadays) but lacked climax and plot. seems like they were just creating the movie to fill in the void, to provide a link between episode 2 and 4. so it did lack oomph.
i fluttered by;
11:05 PM