16.8.05
thoughts.
i've decided that i want to insert more thought into my posts. instead of blatantly recounting the events that take place in my life. afterall, its the thinking process thats most important. its the interest in this thinking process that makes me want to record my life down. yeps.
authority. rachel (goh) mentioned this word on fri at cell. cos we were supposed to state something that matters to us. now God has the greatest authority, but i realised i do want to have authority too. but not the kind of authority she wants, that comes with a post or a position. that kind of authority fades once u're no longer in the position of power. it is just so temporal. lets say u're a prefect in pri sch. do you think ppl in ur sec sch would actually care? no. everyone starts off equal again. as much as we dun wanna believe so.
i want to have a subtle kind of authority with whomever i know. where whatever i say or do they would value greatly. it affects them, it controls and directs their lives - for the better. such that i'm able to impact their lives in a positive manner. i also dunno how to put it. but i wanna be the kind of person whom ppl can look up to, whom ppl ask guidance from, whether i have a position or not. i'm sure all of u ppl out there would be able to tell immediately who such ppl are. cos despite our individualistic nature, we do instinctively search for people whom we can look to for advice, as long as we're keen on self-improvement. another good thing about this kind of authority is that whatever one suggests (even as a member, not a leader) eg. in a discussion, will be considered greatly. i think i'm already kinda achieving this. like ppl often take up my idea. maybe cos its logical or creative, but i want to think that its more so cos i can convince ppl that i can make it work. now THATS authority. ps. dictionary.com definitions for authority:
1. the power to enforce laws, exact obedience, command, determine, or judge. 2. power to influence or persuade resulting from knowledge or experience.
3. confidence derived from experience or practice; firm self-assurance.
by my definition, no. 1 is void.
i fluttered by;
8:56 PM
15.8.05
my weekend. (part 2)
tash is sadistic. she likes peeling ppl's dead burnt skin off. 'oooh look at this big piece!' she says with a big wide metal toothy grin, holding her prized possession gingerly between her fingers. haha. no worries. alls well for me cos it beats turning my head around to peel it for myself. and at least its now one whole light brown patch - not patchES. so thanx for pruning me gal, tho i bet u were enjoying urself. =)
that was last night after church. after the thought-provoking msg which pastor lawrence seow kept emphasizing is not gg to be pleasing or comforting, but is still what God wants to tell us. it takes guts to deliver such a msg - ppl might not want to hear any more of ur sermons. which i must say is childish cos nobody said it was easy being a Christian, nobody said Christian life equated to blessing after blessing. what He wants from us is to be able to praise Him despite our adversities. anw the sermon challenged us to take a bigger step of faith for Jesus. by 'living on the edge'. will i be able to do it? it means stepping into the unknown knowing that God is in control, that God knows the plans He has for me...'plans to prosper me and not to harm me'. i guess i'm still not there yet. despite wanting to study medicine, i am reluctant to succumb to the fact that i have to go to australia. i know i will be homesick. for 6 long years. i dun noe if i'm able to adapt to the new environment or if i would be able to take care of myself well. (well actually i hope i wouldnt take care of myself well so i would lose some weight.. haha) and i'm still clinging on to the hope that NUS will suddenly call and offer me a place..
sigh. lets move away from that way too depressing train of thought. and thats called denial syndrome.
on to a more light-hearted topic. went swimming today with my dad and i managed to swim 30 laps in less than an hr! yay thats an accomplishment for me. actually i was swimming at leisure as i always do but i never used to hit the 30s. mayb last time i talked more. this time i still did talk but lesser i guess. i formulated a theory that if i din talk, i would be able to do 40 in an hr. mayb i shall try next time.
after the swim my family minus my bro went for dinner. we had a 6 course meal comprising of braised baby sharks fin, prawns cooked 2 ways, coffee pork ribs, chilli cod fish, seafood fried rice and dessert. wah its times like these that i feel i lived to eat. the meal probably did injustice to all my effort in swimming. but anw the extravagance was cos we had to make use of the club levy if not we would still have to forfeit the money. i just had to add that so i wouldnt sound like a rich pampered kiddo. haha. hey this gal here has been helping out wif the housework u noe! gg to get veiny hands n feet already cos no maid. ok ok la.. i'm still a spoilt kid. i dun do laundry. only ironing, dishes and sweeping. heh. the sun rose on the wrong side? i think so too.
a very amusing thing happened during dinner. my dad's fren was sitting 2 tables away from us. then he came over and sat down on the empty seat to talk to my dad. about soccer. then he went back. then his wife came over. she talked about spa treatment (cos my dad's in the bathtub business) and she went back. then my dad went over to talk to them. and he came back. then when we were almost done, dad's fren called my dad to talk and say bye. my dad was like idiot why you call and waste my phone bill. so playful the 2 of them. like we teens liddat. cos i cant imagine adults doing such things. in a restaurant somemore.
i fluttered by;
12:46 AM
13.8.05
my weekend.
it started at 12am cos my smu og frens had come to stayover. picked them up at the bus stop. phew thanks to jin sheng's bright yellow shirt, i din miss them. it felt funny leading 5 guys to my hse cos the only gal who could come was going to be very late (thankfully camy did come, otherwise wat would my parents think). but on the other hand, it meant that i had 5 bodyguards. woohoo! or 4 and a half, as dodani would put it. =)
we played majong, table tennis and basically watched lots of standup comedy on dodani's laptop. both russell peters and rowan atkinson were really good. basically russell peters thinks EVERYONE has an accent. if he's not careful, in time to come, SOMEBODY gonna get a-hurt realll badd. haha. ok la. he wun. everyone noes its stupid to get angry or take such jokes too personally. 1stly it means that u admit wat he says is true, and 2ndly wat he says is really a full-blown exaggeration. the ultimate of stereotypes. anw we sat n chatted until 7am. dodani can be really deep and serious, when he's not joking (which is actually 90% of the time). said i shldnt waste time at smu and shld check out whether i can earn any credits in this 6 mnths so as to shorten my course overseas. i thought that was a really clever suggestion and wondered why i din think of it. if i could do something useful to aid in my course, i really wun go smu. as a matter of fact i just suddenly realised that for medicine there aint such a thing as credits. urgh. so now tt led me to a dead end still. i also thought about how else i could spend the 6 mnths. working fulltime? no thanks. i rather give tuition part-time (its really good money..i would earn enough to pay for my entire sch sem while studying) and gain more knowledge in smu then. it might help me to know a bit about the business world. pick up a new skill? but i've practically learnt all e stuff i really wanna learn. i dun wanna be a jack of all trades, master of none. what i really want is probably to practice more and improve on the skills i already have. probably find more like-minded ppl whom i can play a few games of tennis with, whom can appreciate and perform the songs i compose, whom can travel around with me taking serious photography. now smu would be a good place to make such new frens. i later chased them out of my hse cos i wanted to sleep. to energise myself for tennis later on. but in the end i din go cos i couldnt wake up so i felt damn bad. could hav let them stay on and play some drums (which i noe a few ppl were itching to do) and probably get breakfast. but anw, i had a great time and i hope we'll meet again soon. 'with sleeping bags and lots of chips' as dod msged. =) he added that he actually felt quite sad when he heard i was gg to melb cos i'm ACTUALLY quite fun to be around (whats that supposed to mean?!). haha. yar but i'm sure gg to miss everyone too. alot alot. mayb i shld NOT go smu cos of that. become a recluse. and then i'll hav no qian1 gua4 when i leave. no one to miss. nothing to hold me back. whee thats so unlike me.
i fluttered by;
10:14 PM
10.8.05
post-ndp.
ndp was just awesome. this time the packing execution was so much smoother and more organised. probably cos we helped get rid of the water collected on the seats. the same army ic who was so paisei when an usher called him sir asked us to do so. but that was another funny scenario. after asking, he added quickly 'are u guys fine with it? cos i hope this isnt abuse of labour'. then he was going on about how he can command his army guys, but must ask us and we can reject. haha. he's a really nice guy. the kind that would treat his gf really well, and yet can command respect from her/others.
the show went on as per normal. but since this was the last show we all decided to go crazy. danced along with the motivators and sang the songs at the top of our voices. it felt really nice to be able to pretend no one's watching, albeit being a bit patriotic. but of course no one can beat 'shancai' in that. =) she said she could actually tear when saying the pledge or singing the national anthem! imagine.. i think i would never be able to do that. anw the fireworks was extended and even more awesome this time. there were fireworks at marina bay too and hence i could witness the occurance of 2 fireworks shows concurrently!! whee...super duper super nice.
after the parade, i went for supper with my fellow ushers at lau pa sat. that ended the whole celebration on a high. i really think being involved in ndp heightens one's sentiments and memorable recollections of contribution to the community. if not, i would be just sitting at home watching the parade on tv listlessly just because there's nothing else better to watch and not experiencing the whole hype about the celebration.
i fluttered by;
9:59 PM
8.8.05
accountancy camp sentiments.
i'm kinda tired to post what happened in accountancy camp but anw the basic structure was:
urgh i realised i cant even get myself to type out the basic structure. wats with me. guess i shall leave it like that till i feel more like recording my life story and its maturing thinking process.
ps. i got badly sunburnt on my shoulders and face!! it hurts big time such that it's better not to wear sleeves, and yet its better to wear sleeves cos otherwise ppl will get a fright just seeing how chao ta n patchy my skin is (esp since its peeling n looks like dead skin now). the photo's for reminiscence purposes. or rather, to gravely remind me that i cannot take forgranted that my skin's sun-scorch proof, and that one needs to be kiasu and auntie (yes AUNTIE, as josh always taunts) sometimes n remember to put her sunblock.
i fluttered by;
11:26 AM