10.10.05
things i usually wouldnt post.
mum's really worried bout me going overseas. and because of that, she's arguing unreasonably and more frequently with my dad. and me. especially.
then dad and i had an argument just now. no actually we were talking nicely about reassuring mum, until the topic about God set in. it started, and then it snowballed.
i doubt i'll be able to get baptised before i go overseas. ppl keep asking me to ask my dad, ask my dad. seriously. stop pushing me. i mean i appreciate your concern and all. i really do. and i dun even mind that uncle chong beng keeps reminding me that we need pianists because yes i'm eager to play for church. but u guys dun know what has been going on behind close doors. i said i would wait till i'm 21 then, and i dun see why it should change because if i keep to my word, surely he would keep to his. there has been this unspoken contract since we last 'talked' about it. and asking him too many times would render it unimportant and make him not liable to keep his part of the contract.
but seriously i dun see why it would matter. does it matter? can someone knock some sense into me why it would matter? cos my train of thought is that even if i die now, the bible says that i would go to heaven. it doesnt matter if you're baptised or not. (and i clearly rmb yap was the 1st one to tell me that cos somehow long ago i apparently thot that u had to be baptised to go to heaven ;p)
and yes tjow. u were very curious as to what i actually write in my diary. when i already have a blog. well lets say this post would be what usually goes into my diary. sometimes i dun wish to affect ppl around me too much with my downs in life. and well. some things are better left unsaid. no matter what ppl say. plus this is what i write when i'm too sad. its really sadistic. i've warned u. come stab me here! oh not enough ah? nah stab here. here. here. what still not enough?! oh that wound heal already. nah can re-stab. should be able to take it one. huh u still..?! erm that part still healing. going to be a tad too painful. er but if you want.. now u see why i dun post these up. point made? hhahhaa.
i fluttered by;
11:40 PM
