13.12.05
youth camp 2005
she hugged her buddies goodbye, extending her last minute well-wishes as they did her too. the pastor gave her a warm smile and hi-five which she gladly reciprocated as she bidded farewell. after waving again to all, she turned and headed down the jetty to the ferry. she was almost embarrassedly certain they could see right through her and know she was smiling sillily to herself, just because she felt so loved she felt different all the way from head to toe, and worried it showed.
leaving the place really gave her ambivalent feelings. as the ferry pulled away from the jetty and still she saw the trio standing exactly where they were when she left them, waiting to see her depart safely and giving their last goodbye waves, she waved back and put on a brave smile. but no sooner, a wave of sadness enveloped her and silent tears escaped her eyes. that was the end of her journey on the island. the end of creating the memories that were going to stick.
oh gosh, she thought, and this is only the tip of the iceberg of what i'm going to feel when i really leave singapore. she had other things to attend to, other things to move on to, but sometimes it pains her to see the people she cares for standing unwaveringly at the very same spot gazing back at her while the distance between them and her escalates and their sillouhette get smaller and smaller till they finally disappear into the horizon.
now at night, she wondered what everyone at camp was doing. hoping they were having fun (it IS the last day afterall), yet selfishly hoping they werent having as much fun as they would have with her. she reflected on the past few days at camp and really treasured the whole lot of it...
on sunday she din feel well. bad start, she thought. shld she go on monday instead? nah, a little discomfort never stopped her. she was still strong and fit and helping to carry stuff (albeit a little pale, but then she was always pale). the guys did alot more work tho. grr. sometimes her feminism gets to her. she wasnt skinny or anything, she could do as much as the guys do. but nonetheless, she is still thankful for guys.
finalising the games plan was squeezed into whatever freer time available, and for that she and her games marshall team trekked the island yet again. they all probably can memorise the map of st johns along with all the nooks and crooks through and through even in their sleep by now. and still they had to trek it again to place the clues the next morning. but for now it was dinner time.
bath time was horrendous. no sane interior designer would put a row of cubicles with mirrors right infront of them! she thought. but on hindsight even that moment was fun. the memory of 3 insane people screaming their heads off while showering brought enough laughter to work her abs.
she was well taken care of and medicated by claudia who remembered she had a sore throat (the feeling of a threatening fever had gone). the well-trained nurse had shovelled her all the way to the cookhouse to drink down a cup of panadol cold remedy. this move touched her as seldom would one find claudia so insistent on getting someone to do something. and later, hammocks-a-swinging, supper-a-feeding, blanket-a-sharing and goodnights-a-echoing gave her so much warmth and comfort it put her to sleep with a dreamy smile.
early next morning, the marshalls finalised the games and set off to set up the stations. twosome moments with people seem to impact her greatest. tash 'basking in the sun' with a radiant glow on her face when she was supposed to help stick clues on the blue handrail. ryan cleverly and expertly tying rope and smearing paint for the obstacle course. joshua surprise-attacking her with waterbombs and muddy water and whatnot (all in the name of fun of course.. he even 'madeup' by helping her get rid of the mud-hug rachel so willingly gave her). she indeed had fun, and gave her 2cents worth of surprise-attacks back :) even cleaning up was fun, no doubt long and tedious due to the muddiness of the groundsheets which the campers so gladly gave them as a return gift. in the end, she hardly knew if she was washing the sheets or her fellow marshalls.
sermon really spoke to her bout certain issues. sometimes she gets so frustrated with systems and her rapport with others that she loses her focus on God. true, sometimes the activity overtakes its objective of glorifying God. she commits and surrenders that totally to God. sometimes the pursuit of perfectionism harms God's people. she prays that people will understand her viewpoint because some things she does is purely driven by her desire to do her best for God. but at the same time she prays God's people will share their viewpoint about her actions too. sometimes she knows that she hasnt surrendered every issue in her life to God. why the burden and grief every time pastor prays for her dad? true, it shows it means much to her. but she prays that she'll learn how to fully surrender EVERYTHING to God.
and no, she did not forget her one-on-one talk with claudia. she identifies with her, strongly. God, please give her the strength to carry on if it's Your will, and the courage to let go if it's not.
last minute notice came the next day asking the games marshalls to bring forward the games session. surprisingly and thankfully, they came up with quite a good time-filling activity. and she must comment that nats commentary of his teams sandcastle was really tummy-tickling. for once, size does not matter. lameness does. haha. (btw nat, if you must know, your commentary pulled your team to 1st place)
almost the end of her time on st johns island. she copied notes on 3 out of 6 gems for a happy life while living life in the plains as a christian. she would jus have to be updated (in detail mind you) about the next 3 gems and the rest of the camp happenings as she partakes her last meal and heads out to the jetty...
she is realistic. camp wasnt perfect. it wasnt the best it could be. in fact it was quite terrible in terms of planning. undue stress because of inadequate time allocation and watnots. but she knows one thing. the warmth showered by the concerned, thoughtful and helpful adults and fellow campers, and that experience and connection with God really more than made up for everything.
she sincerely thanks everyone who has made the camp special in this way. for building people up, for investing in others' lives, for making their day, for lending a hand, for bringing a smile to their face, for going the extra mile.. for everything pleasant and sweet and nice, really.
THE END
ps. she realises she has only been to 2 youth camps and she has never ever stayed for a full one!!! grr. somehow theres this bugging feeling that it shows how 'inactive' shes been at church albeit recently.
i fluttered by;
11:10 PM
