5.5.07
There's only 2 modes of operation: love, or fear.
I think I've taken a pretty long hiatus from dwelling on the touchy feely 4 letter word in all its romantic sense. I still remember when it was a constant train of thought, whether it was thinking I was experiencing it or tryingtoputthepiecestogetherandmakesenseofandlearnfrom the whole experience, before I decided to consciously chuck it aside. I resolved to not think about it for 5 years, the crucial 5 years of uni life. And so far I've been doing well, I presume. Despite this firm resolve, I didn't grow too cynical, I didn't let my heart harden too much. And I've been rewarded in a sense. More energy, time and focus for other things I consider dear, more girlfriend time, more good strong clearly platonic friendships.
But I think somewhere along the lines I'm getting increasingly muddled. My approach has led me to wrongly trusting in some not so clearly platonic friendships. Now it seems like its all coming back to me again, right from the beginning of the cycle where I get questioned about why I keep pushing people away. Where people start saying I think I'm too good for any guy. Just like how he asked me then.
So don't criticize someone for pushing people away when they haven't blown her away, when her mind is still set on 'single and unavailable', when the best thing to do now is to leave her be and devote your energy to another. I'm in the same boat as all those out there now, I'm just as clueless. In spite of having made choices I know I won't regret, I have no idea where I'm headed this time.
Oh boy.
i fluttered by;
6:02 PM
