Of late, I have been doing alot of thinking. It happens. It's called channeling negative experiences to healthy and productive outcomes. I can't say if it works though.
It seems that with the passing of each day, a little part of us dies and a new part grows to take its place. It's a vicious cycle. Each time we learn something new, each time we make a new resolution, each time we falter, each time we fall, a miniscule part of us withers and fades away. With every lesson learn, each pledge to persevere, each trudge against the tide, each time we change a bit of our character to battle circumstances, a new part grows to replace it.
It's never sudden, it happens gradually over time. So subtly it creeps in, such that we don't even realise it. But sometimes we look a few years back, and it dawns upon us. We then realise that it is no wonder our friends have indeed observed a change, be it for the better or for worse. Or mostly, it's usually some parts for the better, some parts worse.
Just thinking about it freaks me out. What if one day every part of who I am dies, and leaves in its wake, a brand new girl? A stranger. It scares me that one day when I'm older, I will forget the twenty year old me -- the girl who cried at both movies and the world, the girl who dreamt of snowy plains, lying on the soft white flakes and making snow angels, the girl whose laughter came so easily, the girl who had the difficulty finding the line between memories and reality, the girl who came skipping with a vision, that silly lass who didn't know what love or life was, but pretended she did anyway.
I feel like I need to remember. Hence, ever so preciously I keep momentos, stowing them away to be revisited. But most of all we all need our dearest friends to remember, to stow each other away in our memories. So that if need be, we can catch and violently shake them out of their reverie when they've gone rotten. If need be, we have someone to turn to for a reminder if we can't recognise ourselves anymore.
And one day, when all that is said and done, we can sit down over coffee and chatter like long lost friends, delighting in the fact that we've all changed for the better. Delighting in the fact that we've all played a part to help each other up this triumphant path.